Kazmer has written 129 reviews for films during 2021.

  • Star Trek: Nemesis

    Star Trek: Nemesis

    ★½

    Pretty much the only nice thing I can say about this is I love the color palette. I miss the 2000s cold steel grey/neon green aesthetic. I love Tom Hardy's holographic Halo 3 armor.

    That being said, this has some of the most jaw-droppingly awful set design I've ever seen from any budget-tier. There are background paintings you can see the fucking fold of the tarp on the floor and the glare of the stage lights on the top. Whoever…

  • Star Trek: Insurrection

    Star Trek: Insurrection

    I fucking hate this movie. Put some respect on my man Worf. He's demoted to comic relief and goes through puberty just for a gag? Fuck you Frakes.

  • Star Trek: Generations

    Star Trek: Generations

    ★½

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    What a complete slap in the face to TOS fans. Picard drags Kirk out of literal heaven to die horribly as a ragdoll and not go back, then buries his ass under some rocks and doesn't tell anybody while the B-team smashes every glass window on the Enterprise with a tree. Classic Star Trek.

  • Star Trek: First Contact

    Star Trek: First Contact

    ★½

    absolute schlock nonsense. Picard won't stop screaming until his bloodlust is quenched. Data is a murderer. Riker cant wipe that shit eating grin off his face. Deanna gets hammered. Beverly's new hairdo is confusing. there's too much going on and all of it is stupid. the beginning of the end for IP set piece based cinema.

    Worf doesn't want to die in a pointless suicide mission and Picard calls him a coward for it. peak Star Trek.

  • Raydon

    Raydon

    ★★★★★

    Roll that clip from Raydon

    cause I'm tryna see that monster, boy

  • Jade

    Jade

    ★★½

    Friedkin told Steve McQueen to go to hell with his whole chest

  • Shrek

    Shrek

    ★★★★

    I watched this whole film in 360 VR view off a 40mb compressed webm and I think I don't like movies anymore

  • The Wrestler

    The Wrestler

    ★★★

    need the scene of Mickey working a deli counter to be about 3 hours longer

    I'd probably hate this if the wrestling sequences weren't so good. Aronofsky will always feel to me like a first year film student disguised as a Hollywood player. All of his Big Moments hit way too hard on the nose, like he's trying to make extra sure you got the point he was making with that visual metaphor. It's hard to tell if it's more lack of confidence or amateur instincts he never evolved out of. Either way, it's too predictable to not snort at when it happens.

  • Minority Report

    Minority Report

    ★★½

    How is a taser that intentionally makes someone projectile vomit on you tactfully useful in any way

  • Censor

    Censor

    ★★

    There's no second act, the ending made me laugh, and there's a purple key light that's in nearly every single shot. The parts that are supposed to look shitty are shot too well, and the stuff that's supposed to look good is shot amateurishly. The fake horror films they make are inauthentic (you couldn't even shoot these on actual film?) and have an overwhelming sense of "is this really the best you could come up with". The movie posters are…

  • Leviathan

    Leviathan

    ★★★

    An amalgamation of concepts that never fully commits to any idea in favor of trying all of them. Sometimes it's a monster movie, sometimes it's a body horror, sometimes it's a technical sci-fi thriller, sometimes it's a sarcastic action blockbuster. Characters are never fleshed out beyond their personality tropes and base desires. Entire last 5 minutes is a laugh riot that brings the whole film down with it. Best viewed while drunk and falling asleep on your couch. Take a shot for every review on this site that mentions Alien and The Thing.

  • Freddy Got Fingered

    Freddy Got Fingered

    ★★★★★

    #ReleaseTheGreenCut