Kazmer has written 229 reviews for films during 2020.

  • Dirty God

    Dirty God

    ★★★

    Feels like a script where someone came up with a great idea and got halfway through writing it before they knew how it would end. It's pretty good until the last 30 minutes when everything falls apart through confusing character decisions, rushed/absurd plot points, and abandoned story threads. Some details feel like they're inserted with zero context just to muddle it up even more. I think this needed a few more drafts to figure out what it was really trying to say.

  • Three Giant Men

    Three Giant Men

    ½

    ADIOS MAFIA

  • Black Dynamite

    Black Dynamite

    ★★★★★

    "Sarcastically I'm in charge" might be the funniest joke in film history

  • Juarez 2045

    Juarez 2045

    ½

    There's a line in this where a guy says "Where have you been? This is Juarez 2045." and I'm not joking

  • Johnny Mnemonic

    Johnny Mnemonic

    ★★★★½

    I watched the alternate Japanese DVD cut, and it actually is a slighty better version of the film. The little violence additions are fun, there's some neat extra stuff with Takeshi, the plot is slightly cleaner...

    I really don't get the hate for this movie. It gets progressively more insane as it moves and the visuals alone are crazy. The climax is out of control. It's so much fun. I love Internet-2021. I love Johnny Mnemonic. Shoutout to my man Dr. Longo.

  • Martha Marcy May Marlene

    Martha Marcy May Marlene

    ★★

    A predictable amalgamation of every indie film about white people joining cults and dealing with trauma. There's nothing in here that's new or exciting. Olsen is a good actress, but her character is as bare bones of a protagonist as you can get, without even a hint of a backstory. The cult itself doesn't have anything uniquely interesting about how they operate, and the film seems to have no interest in dissecting it. Who needs character arcs and world-building when…

  • Exit Wounds

    Exit Wounds

    ★★★

    Steven Seagal looks like Jim Belushi doing an impression of himself. He is Belushi². Every cutaway to a close up of his face makes me laugh. The idea that he thinks he's actually this character in real life is even funnier.

    There's definitely a moment where he does a Street Fighter combo on a guy by uppercutting him into the air, then punching him in the stomach so hard he goes flying back.

  • After the Storm

    After the Storm

    ★★★½

    Soundtrack by KK Slider

  • Caliber 9

    Caliber 9

    ★★★★½

    Italian Jason Statham vs Italian Bruce Campbell

  • Leaving Las Vegas

    Leaving Las Vegas

    ★½

    This legitimately feels like watching every mediocre student film I had to sit through in art school all at once. So many moments that should feel sincere just come off as cheap or obvious to me, in both performances and production. Everything with the pimp I can't take seriously. The little therapy cutaways for Elisabeth Shue's character is an extremely weak way to convey her side to the audience, and it's not even consistent. The soundtrack is a fucking mess.…

  • Money Plane

    Money Plane

    ½

    DENISE RICHARDS AND EDGE AREN'T IN THE SAME ROOM FOR ANY OF THEIR SCENES. THERE IS TWO FUCKING SHOTS WITH NO DIALOGUE WHERE BOTH OF THEIR FACES ARE IN THE FRAME.

    EVERY

    SINGLE

    VIEWING

    IS A NEW

    NIGHTMARE

  • Top Secret!

    Top Secret!

    ★★★★½

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    I want to talk about how the Anal Intruder gag is one of the most genuinely fucking brilliant jokes in comedy cinema.

    By the time this bit comes around, there's already been several scenes where the overlaying joke is an inane dialogue scene that's needed for story context, but a wacky visual gag is silently happening in the background to keep you entertained. When the two of them sit down to talk in the jail cell, the viewer knows this…