Kazmer has written 101 reviews for films during 2019.

  • The Boondock Saints

    The Boondock Saints


    The more times I see this, the clearer it becomes it was made by an asshole bartender with no filmmaking experience.

  • The House That Jack Built

    The House That Jack Built


    After enough viewings of this film to be completely past the inherently disturbing nature of its content, the comedic deprivation shines through so clearly it's hard to not burst out laughing through the majority of even its darkest moments. This actually gets significantly funnier every time I watch it. Dillon's masterful sociopathic performance, Ganz's perfect straight man counterpoint perspective, Von Trier's flawless direction...all working in harmonic service to the psychotic humility, the introspective philosophy of destruction and morbid fascination as a pure form of art.

    An absolute masterpiece in every cinematic sense.

  • Uncut Gems

    Uncut Gems


    20 minutes into the movie my buddy goes "Oh my god, is that an establishing shot?" and I nearly did a spit take laughing.

  • Uncut Gems

    Uncut Gems


    2+ hours of pure stress cinema with a killer synthwave soundtrack to back it. Sandler once again proving he's an acting god when he wants to give a shit about the role. Safdie Bros. reaching "I'll Watch Anything They Touch" status with this entry. Not a perfect film but struggling to find anything truly negative to say about it.

  • Once Upon a Time… in Hollywood

    Once Upon a Time… in Hollywood


    What is the fuckin plot of this movie? What is the conflict? I'm not even trying to make a joke here. My best guess DiCaprio's character struggling with his age and relevance in his career but that basically gets resolved halfway through the film. And then he's just...fine, I guess? Why is Shannon Tate even a character? What does she do? Half the characters are just there for some reason.

    This has to be the most masturbatory Tarantino film out there, and the biggest waste of time in his catalog. A 2 hour and 40 minute journey to absolutely nowhere.

  • The Fall

    The Fall


    An expertly crafted exercise in anxiety-inducing, nightmare-esque cinema. Even in short-form, Glazer proves to be a master of existential dread, through sound, through camerawork, through pure, uncompromising artistic vision.

  • The Irishman

    The Irishman


    Jim Norton's pathetic attempt to portray Don Rickles is the biggest stain on this film.

  • Roar



    I've seen snuff films that weren't this intense.

    I'm sure this sentiment has been said to death by now, but this truly is a film that could never be made again. Everyone on the set would be in prison and not a single frame would see the light of day.

    It's also possibly the scariest film I've ever seen, because it's the only time where the danger is FUCKING REAL. Most of the time the actors are around the animals,…

  • Neo Tokyo

    Neo Tokyo


    I have extremely little opinion of the first/final segment, "Labyrinth Labyrinthos" aside from it looked neat.

    “The Running Man” was more abstract than I was initially expecting, but the animation is so beautifully constructed I was completely hypnotized. I could watch 80's animation of faces violently exploding for hours.

    But “Construction Cancellation Order“ is by far the highlight of this piece. I honestly wish it was feature length on its own. The only real detriment is the underwhelming sound design…

  • Payback



    We need more movies where every character is a raging, unforgivable asshole.

  • Near Dark

    Near Dark

    I can’t remember the last time I was this frustrated watching a film. Every single time it feels like something interesting is about to happen, it cuts away to another fucking slow motion shot of the main pair making out somewhere else. Every shot just holds and holds and HOOOLLLDDDSSS until I was literally screaming for them to just get the fuck out of that scene already. Everything exciting save for a few explosions in the last 15 minutes is completely off-screen. It’s all the most boring parts of The Lost Boys stretched to a feature length - and I do mean stretched.

  • The Death of Dick Long

    The Death of Dick Long


    As black as black comedies get.

    Starts off strong but quickly begins to drag around 1/3 of the way in and never manages to push itself any higher. Reaches a certain point where it feels not much is actually happening. Despite how bizarre and honestly shocking the details of the story are, the film gives a disappointingly underwhelming delivery. Would have preferred this went more the way of Swiss Army Man and just dove head-first into the ridiculousness of it…