Favorite films

  • Harakiri
  • Perfect Blue
  • Licorice Pizza
  • Carrie

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  • Scream

    ★★★½

  • Harakiri

    ★★★★★

  • Paddington 2

    ★★★★½

  • Paddington

    ★★★★

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  • Spider-Man: No Way Home

    Spider-Man: No Way Home

    ★★

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Okay, but why did [REDACTED] & [REDACTED] have gay uncle energy???

    God did this disappoint me. This happened despite MJ’s prophetic warning of “expect disappointment and you won’t be disappointed” being something I took to heart.

    Not sure where to start, so I’ll begin with the good. It feels dirty writing this even though I have a spoiler warning on this review, but TOBEY AND ANDREW ARE IN THIS!!! Kevin Feige and co. did their best to gaslight all of us…

  • tick, tick...BOOM!

    tick, tick...BOOM!

    ★★★★

    I can’t tell what’s more deserving of an Oscar nomination: Andrew Garfield’s performance in this, or his performance as “guy that got photoshopped into No Way Home.”

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  • Don't Look Up

    Don't Look Up

    ★★

    Poor little fella wanted to be Dr. Strangelove so badly…

    Also, you’re gonna take disappointingly unattractive older Leo DiCaprio, give him THAT ugly ass hair and beard and pretend like people on planet earth would find this version of Leo incredibly attractive? I’m sorry, no. I refuse to live in such a world. Let that comet destroy us if that’s the case. Fucking end us all.

  • Punch-Drunk Love

    Punch-Drunk Love

    ★★★★★

    When the phone booth lights up right as Lena answers? Magical. 

    The perfect birthday watch.