• Mission: Impossible III

    Mission: Impossible III

    ★★★½

    they used to make movies where philip seymour hoffman played tom cruise playing philip seymour hoffman. and now they don’t do that anymore

  • Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery

    Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery

    ★★½

    i don’t want another murder mystery i just want a whole movie about blanc wearing little bandana scarves and getting rawed by hugh grant

  • Good Will Hunting

    Good Will Hunting

    ★★★★½

    how dare robin williams say chuckie isn’t will’s soulmate when he literally brings him dunkin coffee every morning of his life

  • Call Me by Your Name

    Call Me by Your Name

    ★★★★★

    because it was him, because it was me

  • Elf

    Elf

    more movies should end with people watching new york 1

  • She Said

    She Said

    ★★½

    nothing could have prepared me for the experience of hearing patricia clarkson say “will gwyneth go on the record?”

  • Anna Karenina

    Anna Karenina

    ★★★½

    wasting the explosive sexual chemistry between keira knightley and matthew macfadyen by making them play siblings… criminal perhaps

  • Set It Up

    Set It Up

    ★★★

    glen powell please yell at me about how i never write anything

  • Catherine Called Birdy

    Catherine Called Birdy

    ★★★★½

    “do you love ethelfritha?” “as best i know how” “do you love me?” “desperately” 😭

  • The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King

    The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King

    ★★★★★

    flying to new zealand to knock down peter jackson’s door and ask why he made sam marry that nobody woman after he said all those gay things to frodo

  • Bones and All

    Bones and All

    ★★★½

    no one captures timmy’s marble cut visage better than luca

  • The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers

    The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers

    ★★★★★

    aragorn be like i got hoes in different area codes