Jacob has written 24 reviews for films during 2022.

  • You're Next

    You're Next


    You’re Next crawled through horrendous acting so Ready or Not could fly.

  • The Lost City

    The Lost City


    Brad Pitt carried this on his luscious locks and charm alone.

  • Men



    Wow that was fun. 

    There’s a growing and shrinking horror to the finale that I relish. The villain is massive and horrific and also rather small and sad. 

    Jessie Buckley navigates it all fantastically and Alex Garland once again proves himself a talented and unique director. 

    A lot of this really worked for me and that ending is everything I love in horror. mother!, Suspiria, Men, it’s so fun seeing movies that just *go for it*. Bring it on.

  • Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness

    Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness

    Marvel is doing what it does best here:

    • Erasing any character arc from previous movies/shows so they can do the same things as before 
    • Forcing interesting directors to follow a cramped formula
    • Adding in cringe humor in bad spots that tonally never fits the scene
     • Bad wigs
    • Ultimately useless fan service cameos
    •Surprisingly bad VFX

    When Raimi gets his few moments to do what he does best, there’s some glimmer of hope that it could…

  • The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent

    The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent


    Making Pedro Pascal the beneficiary of my will for his dedication to Paddington 2.

    This movie is a mess in most ways, but it is pretty fun and Nic Cage is as wild as ever. Pedro Pascal is undoubtedly the best part of the movie, he is so so so funny in every single scene.

  • The Northman

    The Northman


    Same, feral Alexander Skarsgard, same.

    Dripping in Robert Eggers’ distinct tone and style, it’s another excellent entry for him. No matter the scope or budget, he is clearly still firmly in control here. It’s his movie through and through.

    The use of color is excellent, the performances bolster what would in worse hands be just a relatively straightforward plot, and the mythology hits so right. 

    Exactly what I wanted from a Robert Eggers Viking epic. He delivered on his promises and I’m stoked.

  • Everything Everywhere All at Once

    Everything Everywhere All at Once


    I’m not sure I’ve seen something this good before. When everything becomes all too much, all that matters is what matters to us. And it matters so much. 

    A perfect, perfect film.

  • The Power of the Dog

    The Power of the Dog


    The first act starts as a bit of a chore, intercut with breathtaking landscape shots and not much else.

    But once at the ranch, this slow crawl of dread and menace unfurls nicely. 

    The pieces are all there, even from the start, and Campion does an excellent job braiding them together into a compelling psychosexual western. Who would have guessed

  • King Richard

    King Richard


    Cannot believe King Richard had me concerned about the careers of Venus and Serena Williams, two of the best athletes of all time, for even one moment. An impressive feat.

    Will Smith is solid, though not my favorite of the nominees nor of the King Richard cast, but it will be a deserved win if/when it happens.

  • X



    Click Here For Sexy Hot Grannies In Your Area You’re Dying to Meet!

    A mid movie monologue of the perils of monogamy and uptight morality segues into Fleetwood Mac’s Landslide segues into Kid Cudi’s massive dick segues into a cautionary tale about making sure you get laid regularly. 

    Pulpy, gory, unashamedly fun. Cognizant of the tropes that inspire it, but not all that interested or concerned with following them. Loved the ride.

    X gon give it to ya.

  • Drive My Car

    Drive My Car


    Haunting and beautiful. How much can we understand each other, even those we know best, without letting go of our own security and giving in to our innate vulnerability?

    “It’ll be okay. I’m sure we’ll be okay.”

  • CODA



    A stunner of a movie. A touching story about what it is to need someone through a unique lens. The performances are phenomenal and deep and emotional.

    I hope this little film goes all the way. It deserves all the love and praise it’s getting.