• The Alphabet Killer

    The Alphabet Killer

    Aargh where do I start with this garbage. Wait, that's not fair. It's an ok film. I'm just so over serial killers. They're starting to really annoy me, with their murdering ways and stupid sick fantasies. And there are far too many movies about them. However, Eliza Dushku did start to piss me off after a while, and I strayed into a dream where I considered my options, such as whether to strangle her, tape her to a pogo stick…

  • The Bachelors

    The Bachelors

    What a stupid fucking film. Julie Delpy is a high-school teacher without a boyfriend? - no fucking way. And she wants the old dude whose wife's deader than a fucking doornail and he cries all day? And as for the kid, a total fucking knobknuckle, and the rest of them too for that matter. What a sappy truckload of fucking garbage; about as much depth as a puddle in the desert. Give me fucking strength, oh Lord, I beg of you.
    --- ---
    [This is my penultimate review. I don't agree with the censorship on this site.]

  • Deep Water

    Deep Water

    Autocorrect kills yet another person.

  • The Power of the Dog

    The Power of the Dog

    The writing by Campion is finely tuned with such realism you think you're right there in the hay. The following conversation, situated at some point in between the beginning of the movie and the end, surely can't be matched for quality within the entire genre.

    -You been fooling with chickens.
    -Gotta do well eat them.
    -What you got?
    -Me?
    -Who how why not.
    -We done work and it pains so.
    -Where be Vaseline?
    -Have it no more.
    -I sure been doing it a terrible lot.

  • The Big Short

    The Big Short

    The hero dude in this, he's not the only one in on the action: I took a big short this morning, and it felt great when all my plans for it panned out. I gotta get myself to Wall Street where I'll be acknowledged as the true genius that I am.

  • Bad Vegan: Fame. Fraud. Fugitives.

    Bad Vegan: Fame. Fraud. Fugitives.

    ​A nice yet strange woman has her life, and the lives of others, upended because of a spell laid upon her by a person who controls her fully and makes her believe amazing things, like how he has the power to bestow upon her beloved dog the gift of immortality and that transferring substantial sums of money to him, in the form of obvious theft, is a good idea.

  • Lucy and Desi

    Lucy and Desi

    Love, and the American Dream.

  • Spencer

    Spencer

    Not many people know this, but many years ago, during a visit to Londontown to partake in a drunken feast laid on by the Jizzwater Londontown Friendship Society, I did Diana and nine months later Harry was born! This movie is pretty good, with lots of psychological workings, a tip of the hat to regal history, some fantastic food creations - but Harry is the star here, what a wonderful little fellow, charismatic, emotionally aware, intelligent, just like his biological daddy.

  • Maniac

    Maniac

    Emma Stone plays a drunken elf, bumping this up to four stars.

  • The Winds of War

    The Winds of War

    Bed hopping vs world war. Who will win?

  • I, Claudius

    I, Claudius

    ★★★★★

    Wonderful viewing for all who believe in family values.

  • Bodyguard

    Bodyguard

    ​Britain: where only criminals and politicians have the right to bear arms.