• Legally Blonde

    Legally Blonde

    There's no better plural in the English language than "college girls" and this movie does not do it justice.

  • Adam Sandler: 100% Fresh

    Adam Sandler: 100% Fresh

    100% fuck I don't know. But it's pretty good, with lots of laughs, lots of music. Sandler radiates warmth and everyman.

  • Cannibal Holocaust

    Cannibal Holocaust

    A thoroughly offensive film, and for those with garden-variety sensibilities I don't recommend watching it (not even for judgment on whether it's a "good" bad film - it isn't). Which brings my mind around to a recent happening. My review of "The Butler", having graced the site for months, was removed without discussion or warning by a shadowy person with the moniker "A moderator", apparently for suggesting that Oprah has been known to go up and down in her weight…

  • The Bad Batch

    The Bad Batch

    This is like watching a round of golf, in slow motion, without the golf.

  • The Nice Guys

    The Nice Guys

    I thought I'd watch again, straight away, to see if I liked it better, but nah, fuck it, two stars.

  • National Lampoon's Vacation

    National Lampoon's Vacation

    ★★★★★

    Middle-class Griswold, pulling up to ask for directions: "Pardon me. I wonder if you could tell me how to get back on the expressway?" Outraged pimp, in reply: "Go fuck your mama." This road film is a no-filler series of episodic comedy genius, a gentle heart beating at its core, its production made possible by creativity allowed to shine without being suffocated by senseless and controlling censorship as is the current norm.

  • Tau

    Tau

    You would be hardpressed to find a more dimwitted mad scientist.

  • Chinatown

    Chinatown

    ★★★★★

    I'm thinking Polanski can't have kept his hands to himself while directing this, because this is a very good film. I've looked into it, and when great directors keep their depravities in check, their art suffers. For a different but relevant example from the world of sports, just look at what happened to Tiger Woods. When he was abusing prescription medications and banging a multitude of willing cocktail waitresses, he was at the top of his game. And then, for the longest time, he gave that all up, during which he couldn't even sink a two-foot putt.

  • The Lincoln Lawyer

    The Lincoln Lawyer

    The world's most consistently beautiful woman (Marisa Tomei, obviously) turns in an admirable performance, but keeps her clothes on, therefore failing to save this most boring film.

  • The Fighter

    The Fighter

    A film about the importance of family, even if they're literally the craziest motherfuckers to ever grace God's green earth.

  • The Glass Castle

    The Glass Castle

    We watched this for Jizz family movie night, and discussing it afterward the general consensus arrived at was that poor people shouldn't be allowed to breed. I've been painted as the family liberal, so I did my bit and upheld the right of poor people to breed but only under the strict supervision and occasional practical involvement of an interested rich person. I'm particularly enamored of this idea, and feel it needs to be enacted into law. It's not often…

  • The Tall Guy

    The Tall Guy

    Jeff Goldblum tries it on with Emma Thompson, and much hilarity unfolds.