8½

★★★★★

“Who told you we come into the world to be happy?” 

I’ve changed a lot since January 2020.

I know what it feels like to want to make something that’s honest, something that feels like you, something that gives you satisfaction, something you feel proud of. 

I know what it feels like to have your work tampered with, to have lines of notes and notes telling you what you made isn’t perfect, that you’re flawed. “They just didn’t get it”, you always first think to yourself, but deep down there’s always a bit of truth even if the person didn’t fully understand the work.

I know what it feels like to drown in self loathing, for the past to take over your mind in moments where you need to pay attention to the present.

I know what it feels like to desire, I know what it feels like to dream, I know what it feels like to feel like an outcast, I know what it feels like to hope for an ultimate reality, I know what it feels like to pray to a higher power even though you’re sceptical to it’s existence, I know what it feels like to be confused, I know what it feels like to live with music in your head, I know what it feels like to want to love but being incapable of doing so, I know what it feels like to be a perfectionist, I know what it feels like to pretend you’re the smartest person in the room, I know what it feels like to make something you aren’t proud of. 

I know what it feels like to be an observer. 

What 8 1/2 did for me this time is make me feel a very specific, frustrating but yet fulfilling feeling.

I guess if I have to describe the feeling 8 1/2 made me feel in a sentence, I’d say: it made me feel trapped. I was immersed within a world nothing like mine, yet so much like mine and within a characters mind, so much like mine, but yet in a person so different to me. 

I knew that as I got older and went though more I’d be drawn and drawn more and more into this film. And yeah, I completely revisited it at the perfect point in my life.

I can genuinely say that get it now. Ladies and gentlemen I fell in love with Fellini, I never thought this day would come. 

Mastapiece (I was completely wrong on my first viewing over a year ago) 

I never thought I’d ever give this film a 5/5 if I’m being honest, let alone for it to become one of my favourite films of all time. 

“I thought my ideas were so clear. I wanted to make an honest film. No lies whatsoever. 

I thought I had something so simple to say. Something useful to everybody. A film that could help to bury forever all those dead things we carry within ourselves.

Instead, I’m the one without the courage to bury anything at all.”

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