Alex

"Trains are blameless, holy creatures."

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  • No Retreat, No Surrender

    No Retreat, No Surrender

    ★½

    Watched live with Joel, Crow, Tom Servo, and Gypsy. Joel's last live tour, then retirement into the MST3K Hall of Fame.

    The crowd today had the widest range of ages I've ever seen together outside of Disney World. Devoted young MSTies with their parents, teens, millennials and Gen-Xers galore. But even many Boomers and oldsters, patches of them all throughout the crowd, found laughter in the very same comedy.

    A cheesy Cold War Karate Kid rip off accompanied by a…

  • Red Zone Cuba

    Red Zone Cuba

    ★★½

    Coleman Francis puts Ed Wood, Bert I. Gordon, and Tommy Wiseau to shame. Coleman directs, writes, and acts in this movie, for which the word "trainwreck" is a bit generous. Imagine what Saving Private Ryan might have looked like if it was made with the spirit of Dog Star Man, a crew of 8, and a budget of $16. Out of all of the bad movies I've seen, out of all of the bad filmmakers I've witnessed so far, Coleman…

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  • What's Up: Balloon to the Rescue!

    What's Up: Balloon to the Rescue!

    ½

    As I walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, I see a figure before me. I follow the figure to find 3 doors, marked 1, 2, and 3. The figure throws open the door 1, which appears empty. Then it throws open the second door, which reveals a flat wasteland with no end in sight. Finally, the third door unveils a lake of fire, an orgy of agony, and a contagion of people all shouting vulgarities and slurs…

  • Arlo: The Burping Pig

    Arlo: The Burping Pig

    ★★½

    For a long time, the Talking Pig canon seemed cut and dry. Babe, Babe 2, Gordy, My Brother The Pig, debatably Charlotte's Web. But this was contained in the 90s and 2000s, a time period begging for talking pig heroes.

    Enter 2016, a year that shocked the world in many ways. And enter the way that it shocked the most people. There is a new installment in the Talking Pig canon after a decade of silence: Arlo the Burping Pig.…