Favorite films

  • Cleopatra
  • Sleeping Beauty
  • Bram Stoker's Dracula
  • The Matrix Revolutions

Recent activity

  • The Trial

  • SLC Punk

  • Run Lola Run

  • The Celluloid Closet

Pinned reviews

  • Alien Resurrection

    Alien Resurrection


    THE GAME: Metroid Fusion (2002) [played on Nintendo DS Lite]

    THE PLOT: While accompanying researchers on SR388, Samus Aran finds herself infected by a parasitic organism later dubbed the X. Galactic Federation scientists save her life with a vaccine developed from the baby Metroid's preserved DNA. After regaining consciousness, the bounty hunter is assigned to investigate an explosion aboard the Biologic Space Laboratories station, where large portions of her surgically removed Power Suit were…

  • Alien³



    NOTE: This is the definitive version of an earlier review.

    THE GAME: Super Metroid (1994) [played on Super Nintendo]

    THE PLOT: Samus Aran delivers the Metroid hatchling to Ceres Space Academy, where scientists hope to utilize its powers for the good of galactic civilization. Soon after leaving, she receives a distress signal. Ceres has been decimated by Ridley, who steals the baby and returns to Zebes!

    THE REVIEW: Every aspect of this perfectly designed…

Recent reviews

  • John Carter

    John Carter

    Dedicated to the Memory Of

    Steve Jobs

    An Inspiration to Us All


    Not great, but I enjoyed it more as the story unfolded. The ending retroactively improved the beginning by explaining what the hell was going on. Loved the ugly-cute Martian dog. I'd still have preferred seeing this intended trilogy play out rather than Disney's Plan B:

    Buying Star Wars like the highest-priced whore in history and gang-raping it to death.

  • Not Another Teen Movie

    Not Another Teen Movie

    🎵 Jake: I wish I didn't make that bet
    That's not the guy I want to be
    If I could just turn back the clock
    Then Janey would still be... with meee

    Janey: Tell me, Mom, what should I do
    I love this boy
    But he has been uuuuuunnntruuuuuuuue

    Jake: I'll do my best to make things right
    Janey: I wish we could resolve this fight
    Jake: It could happen
    Janey: It could happen
    Jake/Janey: At the prom tonight


Popular reviews

  • The Mummy

    The Mummy

    No one has ever said "I... am a librarian!" with more swelling, beatific pride than Rachel Weisz in this movie.

  • Sleeping Beauty

    Sleeping Beauty

    My Mom once told me that when I was about three years old, I stood up in a restaurant and loudly recited the following line from this movie:

    "Now shall you deal with me, O Prince—and all the powers of HELL!"