Favorite films

  • Ghostwatch
  • Brief Encounter
  • The Discarnates
  • Return of the Secaucus Seven

Recent activity

All
  • Haunt

    ★★

  • The Mutilator

    ★★★½

  • Dracula

    ★★★★½

  • City of Pirates

    ★★½

Recent reviews

More
  • Haunt

    Haunt

    A solid, spooky start to a film that becomes entirely derivative and essentially a Halloween-themed Escape Room sequel with the most forced and tackiest message of empowerment but hey I still had fun.

  • The Mutilator

    The Mutilator

    ★★★½

    I somehow forgot about that horrific hook kill but I did NOT forget about the terrific, absurdly over-lit set piece of the rowdy teens playing Blind Man's Bluff in a house unaware that the killer is playing with them (it looks like full-blown day time and it's quite embarrassing to watch the actors stumble around pretending they can't see) and I will NEVER forget about the greatest theme song of all time.

    🎵FALL BREAK, FALL BREAK!🎵

Popular reviews

More
  • Kirikou and the Sorceress

    Kirikou and the Sorceress

    ★★★★

    Despite none of these children deserving their lives to be saved by Kirikou (our lord and savior) because they kept falling for the hot sorceress’s traps, this was GLORIOUS.

    Kirikou robbed my heart when he genuinely said "thank you" to each and every chipmunk who brought him a gift (mostly flowers), even the one who brought him a spider that he probably didn't like but he knew not to show it and to show gratitude instead. Pet your chipmunks and embrace them tenderly.

    Loving mythological magic.

  • A Very Brady Christmas

    A Very Brady Christmas

    I remember my parents turning this off as a kid because of a sex scene and I have since considered it to be the tawdry, “adults only” outing of the Brady Bunch. Turns out it was just Jan getting her cardigan removed by her husband. 

    This movie is almost entirely the Brady’s making and coordinating holiday plans and reviewing logistical details for their travels in the ugliest and most bland settings possible.

    It is somehow even hornier than the show…