• Overlord

    Overlord

    ★★

    This film should have been Inglourious Basterds with zombies.

    It was unfortunately not Inglourious Basterds with zombies.

    How disappointing.

  • Tales of Poe

    Tales of Poe

    ★½

    This film spends two hours re-imagining three Poe works.

    I own a copy of The Complete Tales & Poems of Edgar Allen Poe. "The Tell-Tale Heart" is 4 pages. "The Cask of Amontillado" is 6 pages. "Dreams" is 1 page.

    So, your options are: Spend two hours watching a pointless movie, or spend like 10 minutes reading all three original tales and then go play with your dog. He's been a good boy.

    The only upside here is a few familiar…

  • Alexandra's Project

    Alexandra's Project

    ★★★★

    I did not like this movie. At all.

    But man... it stuck with me. Several weeks later, I'm still thinking about it.

    It's Steve's birthday. He lives in the suburbs with his wife Alexandra and their two kids. Steve and Alexandra have marriage problems. This is evident right away. The only kind of attention Steve seems to pay to his wife is an unwanted breast grab.

    Steve comes home from work and finds his house dark and no one home.…

  • I Spit on Your Grave: Déjà Vu

    I Spit on Your Grave: Déjà Vu

    As of this writing, 95 people have reviewed this film.

    I assume I will be the 96th person to point out that this film is TWO AND A HALF hours long.

    That's the scariest thing this film brings to the table, unfortunately.

    Look, I wasn't expecting a good movie. I own the original. It was a gift, and it has a commentary track by Joe Bob Briggs, which is honestly the only way I can watch it. Anyway, my wife…

  • All the Colors of the Dark

    All the Colors of the Dark

    ★★★

    I can sum up my feelings for this movie in either one of these two sentences:

    "Holy Jesus, what the hell did I just watch?"
    or
    "With apologies to my wife, Edwige Fenech may be the most strikingly beautiful woman I've ever seen".

    Either way, it was a crazy, enjoyable ride.

    Edwige plays Jane. She's got some problems, and they don't get any better when she joins a cult to, I think, help her reconcile her mother's death when she…

  • I Remember You

    I Remember You

    ★★★★

    Cool little horror/mystery from Iceland. Would have been even cooler if they had used Skid Row's song of the same name, but it's all good.

    There's a pair of intertwining stories presented here. First, psychiatrist Freyr is dealing with the disappearance of his son several years prior. He is pulled into a case involving a woman who hanged herself in an abandoned church. She, along with several other previous corpses, all bear similar ritualistic markings. Is it a supernatural serial…

  • DeVour

    DeVour

    This film pulls off a pretty neat trick. It makes Satan seem really, really lame.

    This is bad and confusing. I really have no idea what happened. Something about the devil and a computer game, but it pretty much abandons that halfway through the film.

    Also, William Sadler is listed as "Bill Sadler". Bill Sadler is like Mike Bolton. It's wrong. That should have been an indication that this was going to be worthless. It's stupid. Don't see it. Even if, like my wife, you love Jensen Ackles.

  • The Shortcut

    The Shortcut

    ★½

    Adam Sandler's brother wrote a horror movie. Let's just say he's no "Sam Raimi's brother".

    A bunch of kids research a mysterious "shortcut" through a forest where animals and people seem to disappear. They're your usual blend of: new kid in town, football player, popular girl, snarky jerk, and Sabrina from "Raising Hope".

    There's really nothing noteworthy here. As a horror movie, it fails. It's not really violent. There's no nudity. It's got a twist ending, but you can see…

  • Chernobyl

    Chernobyl

    ★★★★★

    Chernobyl Diaries was a horror movie that came out in 2012. Meanwhile, Chernobyl, from 2019, is a drama. It's one of the most frightening things I've seen in recent memory.

    This 5 hour "mini-series" is touching, scary, violent, infuriating, funny, gross... It makes you feel a myriad of emotions over the course of the series.

    There's a lot more I could say, but honestly, I need to watch it again. The acting is great (if you're ok with most Russians…

  • The Laramie Project

    The Laramie Project

    ★★★★

    Laura Linney plays a horrible person. Art imitating life...

    Sorry, not trying to trivialize a terrible crime. Good movie. Great cast. A bit haphazard. Even if you know the story, still worth watching, difficult though it is. Even 20 years later, this story still hits a nerve. Painful to watch. But necessary.

    You don't need me to try and convince you how tragic this event was. But you DO need me to complain about how Laura Linney keeps getting roles in good movies. She's the only reason I haven't given Ozark a shot.

  • Demon Resurrection

    Demon Resurrection

    ★★★

    Objectively, this is a bad movie. The acting is bad. The budget looks close to nil. One (I repeat, one) of the actors has done really anything other than this movie. Plus, you've seen the "people trapped in a house with zombies outside" movie before.

    That said, it was fun. Low budget fun, but fun. And fun goes a long way with me.

    A bunch of friends stage an intervention for their friend Grace. They think she's on drugs. But…

  • Vampire Killer Barbys

    Vampire Killer Barbys

    ★½

    First, a disclaimer. This review is based on the Amazon Prime version available in America. According to Amazon, this movie is in Spanish without English subtitles. That's half right. The movie is actually in FRENCH, not Spanish.

    As chance would have it, I took 4 years of French in school. So, I was sorta able to follow it a little bit. If you speak fluent French, maybe you'll be able to follow it more.

    So, Letterboxd says this was made…