This film spends two hours re-imagining three Poe works.

I own a copy of The Complete Tales & Poems of Edgar Allen Poe. "The Tell-Tale Heart" is 4 pages. "The Cask of Amontillado" is 6 pages. "Dreams" is 1 page.

So, your options are: Spend two hours watching a pointless movie, or spend like 10 minutes reading all three original tales and then go play with your dog. He's been a good boy.

The only upside here is a few familiar…

I've been putting off reviewing this movie ever since I joined this site. That's partially because I don't feel like I can add anything new to the conversation. This is my favorite movie of all time, and it's pretty much revered by anyone who knows anything about movies.

It's also partially because I'm not as proficient at writing positive reviews. To me, it's a lot easier to write a review of a terrible movie. Like, the movie was bad because…