This film should have been Inglourious Basterds with zombies.
It was unfortunately not Inglourious Basterds with zombies.
This film spends two hours re-imagining three Poe works.
I own a copy of The Complete Tales & Poems of Edgar Allen Poe. "The Tell-Tale Heart" is 4 pages. "The Cask of Amontillado" is 6 pages. "Dreams" is 1 page.
So, your options are: Spend two hours watching a pointless movie, or spend like 10 minutes reading all three original tales and then go play with your dog. He's been a good boy.
The only upside here is a few familiar…
I've been putting off reviewing this movie ever since I joined this site. That's partially because I don't feel like I can add anything new to the conversation. This is my favorite movie of all time, and it's pretty much revered by anyone who knows anything about movies.
It's also partially because I'm not as proficient at writing positive reviews. To me, it's a lot easier to write a review of a terrible movie. Like, the movie was bad because…
I'm just going to hope that doing movies like this allows Gary Oldman the financial freedom to make things like The Professional and True Romance and The Fifth Element. So, if in order to do great films, he has to do stuff like this, fine. I'll see The Unborn.
And the bad Robocop remake.
And Red Riding Hood.
And Lost in Space.
And Air Force One.
But you owe me big for this dud, Oldman. BIG.