• The Mansion Cat

    The Mansion Cat


    I feel more passion here than in any of the feature-length Tom & Jerry movies combined.

  • Titane



    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    When Alexia the carsexual serial killer got pregnant after fucking a car I said to myself "I will be very disappointed if the movie doesn't end with Alexia giving birth to a car". I wasn't disappointed.

  • The French Dispatch

    The French Dispatch


    "Her big stupid eyes watched me pee."

    The French Dispatch is an anthology where each segment is framed as a tableau in the magazine The French Dispatch.

    Summarizing what's both right and wrong with The French Dispatch would require more time and energy than I have at the present moment. As such, this is the aptest description I can give: A Wes Anderson movie with too much Wes Anderson and not enough movie.

  • Violet Evergarden: The Movie

    Violet Evergarden: The Movie


    How can something so undeniably beautiful be this fucking boring?

    The problem remains that Violet herself continues to be the least interesting person with the least interesting emotional conflicts in her own series and movies. Here her reunion with the long-lost Major is once again outshined by a dying kid in a hospital bed that gets the film's biggest emotional gut punch.

    Praise where praise is due. This is the most compelling Violet's personal story has ever been. Mostly due…

  • Child's Play 2

    Child's Play 2


    "You seen dolls that pee? This one bleeds".

    Unlike most direct horror sequels Child's Play 2 isn't a stark drop in quality from its predecessor. In some ways, Child's Play 2 is even better by placing more emphasis on big action setpieces. Where there is a sharp decline in quality is the acting. It simply isn't up to snuff compared to the original's emphasis on Catherine Hicks distressed mother unsure if her child is a killer or not and then…

  • Let's All Go to the Lobby

    Let's All Go to the Lobby

    It's exactly like the Fallout games training videos with Vault boy except it isn't a satire, it's real.

  • Hamilton



    I finally understand all the references that were relevant four years ago.

    First, I want to disclose that Hamilton is way better than I'm rating it. It just isn't for me.

    I unapologetically love musicals, and yet Hamilton did nothing for me. If you ask me, the point of a musical is to use the contrast between the regular normal scenes where people talk and the heightened sensations of musical numbers to elevate and punctuate the most important and emotional…

  • Child's Play

    Child's Play


    Child's Play is the perfect mix of horror and comedy because the premise "what if your doll came alive and tried to kill you" is both horrific and comedic.

  • The Powerpuff Girls Movie

    The Powerpuff Girls Movie


    When people talk about the greatest superhero movies of all time they always talk about The Dark Knight, The Avengers, Spider-Man 2, or Superman. When I talk about the greatest superhero movies of all time I always talk about The Powerpuff Girls Movie.

  • Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot

    Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot


    Stop! Or My Mom Will Shot! is such a title that I have to respect the movie for that alone.

    I haven't got much to say about these sorts if middle of the road comedies. The only takeaway I got was that Sylvester Stallone is a surprisingly good straight man.

  • Pokémon the Movie: Secrets of the Jungle

    Pokémon the Movie: Secrets of the Jungle


    Tarzan: The Pokemon Movie.

    I'll admit this was good (as far as the standards of Pokemon movies allow a Pokemon movie to be "good"). The character drama between Koko and his dad Dada was the best part. It was surprisingly nuanced, convincingly performed by the actors, and was what kept me emotionally engaged, and I can count on one hand the amount of Pokemon movies that had me emotionally invested in what was happening. The biggest surprise of all is…

  • Gamera 3: Revenge of Iris

    Gamera 3: Revenge of Iris


    It's one thing to react to a movie. It's another when a movie affects you physically. I got legitimately short on breath and had shills down my spine. That's how you know Gamera 3. Revenge of Iris isn't just a great movie. It's THE giant monster movie that was so good every giant monster movie that came before or after was made entirely redundant as they could never top the majesty at the top of his high throne sitting his…