• Crimson Peak

    Crimson Peak

    ★★★★

    “It’s not a ghost story. It’s a story with ghosts. The ghosts are a metaphor for the past.”

    Man, what a movie. Stephen King said, in his review of the film, that Crimson Peak is both “gorgeous and just fucking terrifying”. And I’m inclined to agree with this. We have this piece of gothic romance, placed in the biggest and most beautiful set you’ve ever seen, juxtaposed with a truly horrific story with a few moments of legitimately visceral violence. …

  • The Texas Chain Saw Massacre

    The Texas Chain Saw Massacre

    ★★

    I understand why people enjoy it, but... personally, all the slasher flicks of this era don’t really do it for me. Don’t get me wrong, this is probably one of the better ones. The decision to frame and market The Texas Chainsaw Massacre as a true story is quite frankly a brilliant one, making the “unspeakable“ events of the film that much worse, so it’s easy to see why it’s been emulated by the likes of The Blair Witch Project

  • Suspiria

    Suspiria

    ★★★

    Is this what all Italian horror is like? If so, I really need to watch a lot more of it.

    Having seen the Suspiria remake when it came out in 2018 and thinking it was OBJECTIVELY well made but subjectively just didn't really click for me... I really didn't know what to expect in my viewing of the original. But, holy shit, this movie blew me away. Don't get me wrong. I don't LOVE all of it. The overall plotting…

  • The Hole in the Ground

    The Hole in the Ground

    ★★

    To be entirely honest, I only ever checked this movie out because director Lee Cronin is attached to helm the next film in the Evil Dead series and I wanted to get a glimpse of his past work (this being his directorial debut and thus the only option). And after viewing this... I don't exactly have high hopes. Don't get me wrong, The Hole in the Ground is an alright film. Perhaps even better than the generic title might suggest.…

  • Phantasm

    Phantasm

    ★★★

    Man, this is a weird one. At a brisk 90 minutes, Phantasm is rarely dull. The score is both atmospheric and catchy. There’s a low budget 70’s appeal to it that you just can’t help but love. And the film gets way, way more out there than I ever would’ve expected it to going in (the scene with the sphere being my personal favorite for how fun and unexpectedly brutal it gets). 

    But, ultimately, the characters are bland and none…

  • Nosferatu

    Nosferatu

    ★★★★

    It’s somewhat ironic that despite the film’s full title being Nosferatu: A Symphony of Horror, the score is the very worst part. Of course, the movie’s not really to blame for this. Being made in 1922, the original score has been lost to time (as the entire movie itself almost was, being ordered to be destroyed for being what is - in all honesty - a shameless rip-off of the story of Dracula). 

    But looking past the blaring pipe organ…

  • Vivarium

    Vivarium

    ★★

    Probably the biggest reason for me to not want kids after the existence of tik tok.

    It's got good ideas. And the overall atmosphere certainly makes one feel uneasy. But, despite this essentially acting as a 90 min Black Mirror episode - where deep themes should be lying just beneath the surface - the whole thing feels relatively hollow. To the point where there's really not much to even be said about it.

    The opening act, with our couple actually being led into Yonder by this unsettling but eccentric real estate agent is really fun. The rest... not so much.

  • Circle

    Circle

    Circle is what happens when you've gotten tired of shitty Saw sequels and just want to push the franchise to its natural endpoint... which is apparently 50 strangers trapped in a room together being forced to decide which of them must die every few seconds... or minutes... or hours... the movie is very inconsistent.

    Circle is what happens when you take 12 Angry Men and multiply the cast by five while also turning each of them into the most one-note…

  • New Nightmare

    New Nightmare

    ★★★★

    Wes Craven's New Nightmare is a wonderfully inventive example of metacinema, years before Being John Malkovich or Stranger Than Fiction brought it into the mainstream (or Wes Craven experimented with it himself in Scream).

    Of course, it's disingenuous to say metacinema did not exist before this, but it was limited almost exclusively to more experimental or comedic content. Where New Nightmare differs is that it treats these subjects with absolute reverence. Not only is this meta addition to the series…

  • I'm Thinking of Ending Things

    I'm Thinking of Ending Things

    ★★★★★

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    I'm absolutely in love with this movie. I've watched it twice now in its entirety and I still can't get it out of my mind. It grows in my mind like a parasite. Like the film's titular thought.

    I'm Thinking of Ending Things is Charlie Kaufman's third directorial effort. And, for my money, it's his best. Okay well, Synecdoche, New York might be OBJECTIVELY better... but it's so goddamn depressing that I never wanna watch it. And though this film…

  • Something Wicked This Way Comes

    Something Wicked This Way Comes

    ★★★

    I had an absolutely buried memory of this film, basically only remembering that, whatever it was about, it scared the shit out of me. Coming back to it some twenty or so years later, I'm dumfounded by just how forgotten this movie has become. Like seriously... why is this not on Disney+?

    Something Wicked This Way Comes opens with such a relaxing, autumnal atmosphere before twisting, quite naturally, into what is borderline cosmic horror - making it a perfect watch…

  • Ready or Not

    Ready or Not

    ★★★★

    Honestly, Disney, if you really wanna make another Haunted Mansion movie (and we can't get that Guillermo Del Toro reboot) fucking give it to these guys.

    The comedy is sharp, the characters wonderfully fleshed-out, the set design gorgeous, and Samara Weaving's Grace is the best comedy/horror protagonist since Ash from The Evil Dead (fitting as she actually was in a couple episodes of the short-lived spin-off TV series as well).

    I'm not sure the movie ever accomplishes its goal when it attempts to tug at the heartstrings (and the character of Alex is more or less a mess) but it's still a damn fun time.