• Scanners

    Scanners

    ★★

    Any movie in which the plot kicks off with a guy's head exploding should be an absolute blast. Instead, Scanners is kind of a slog to sit through. The whole plot just feels so uninvolving. In fact, if it wasn't for the sound design and score (which are doing all the heavy lifting here) this movie would just be about non-characters engaging in a staring contest while violently shaking their heads. The special effects and body horror of the finale…

  • Eyes Without a Face

    Eyes Without a Face

    ★★★

    Sixty years on and the near featureless face of Christiane is still a haunting presence.

    Eyes Without a Face is a simple story, one of a father becoming unhinged as he attempts to repair his daughter's disfigurement, but it is masterfully presented to us. Okay, maybe not masterfully. It's a little slow to start and certain characters could definitely do with some more development. But the surgery scene is still legitimately unnerving. And I absolutely love the "fuck the patriarchy"…

  • In the Mouth of Madness

    In the Mouth of Madness

    ★★★

    "Reality is just what we tell each other it is."

    I feel like, outside of John Carpenter's classics like Halloween and The Thing - each of which have pretty cut-and-dry premises, his movies are filled with absolutely great ideas and pretty mediocre execution. And In the Mouth of Madness is certainly no exception. The idea of the creations of this Stephen King-esque figure becoming reality is so cool. But, for whatever reason, I just don't think the movie ever really…

  • The Hunt

    The Hunt

    ★★

    "You fucked up, bitch"

    Not only is this the best line delivery in the entire film but it's also exactly what I want to say to the writers and director of this movie. I mean how could Damon Lindelof & Nick Cuse (writers on The Leftovers - my favorite show of all time) and Craig Zobel (director of multiple episodes of The Leftovers - including "International Assassin", which is widely regarded as the series' best) make something this bad? That show…

  • Wish Upon

    Wish Upon

    ★★

    This is what it would be like if the CW made a horror movie. The cast is made up of a bunch of generally attractive 30 year olds playing high school-aged non-characters. And the plot is so predictable that I called it beat-by-beat about ten minutes in. That said, it's not offensively bad. The kills are dumb, the jump scares laughable, and if you've got 90 min to spare with your friends... well... there are worse ways to spend it.

  • Re-Animator

    Re-Animator

    ★★★★

    "And what exactly would the note say, Dan? Cat dead; details later?"

    Holy shit I really liked this movie. It’s absolutely nuts and gets right into the dark comedy and outlandish gore before the opening titles even begin. The performances are solid. I actually really buy into these character relationships despite the overall camp. Also, it might have the weirdest sex scene in all of cinematic history?

    The whole thing is just hilarious. Usually intentionally. Occasionally unintentionally. But even when…

  • Europa Report

    Europa Report

    This is the worst movie I've watched in a while. Not so bad it's good. Just so bad it's still bad.

    I almost feel bad putting it down due to the extremely low budget nature of the thing, filmmaking is hard and Europa Report is certainly trying, I just feel like it never actually succeeds in what it sets out to do. The whole thing is just ugly. The lighting extremely flat, the CGI looking incredibly unrealistic (again I know…

  • The Skeleton Dance

    The Skeleton Dance

    ★★★

    1000% my aesthetic rn

  • Psycho II

    Psycho II

    ★★★

    Psycho II is perhaps more interesting for the things it doesn't do than for what it actually does. Norman Bates (once again played by the great Anthony Perkins) doesn't actually kill anyone. The iconic score of the original (which is probably one of the greatest of all time) is completely absent. And honestly this hardly even a thriller. It's more of a plot-heavy character drama.

    The only problem with that is that, although it starts really interesting, everything just gets…

  • The Platform

    The Platform

    ★★★

    This is one of those movies that makes you feel like you need a shower afterwards. So much so that I literally took a shower afterwards. 

    It’s certainly a great premise and obviously (to take a word from one of our characters) works as a microcosm and critique of capitalism society. I just wish it was a little more subtle about it. Because some of this dialogue is very on the nose. That said, it’s far less insufferable in the…

  • As Above, So Below

    As Above, So Below

    ★★★

    You know what? I liked it. 

    I’m not usually a big found footage guy but the constantly shifting cameras did keep things engaging (even if it didn’t always look the prettiest because of it). The first act plays as pretty much a gender-swapped version of Raiders of the Lost Ark, just with less logic and dumber pseudoscience... so maybe it’s more like a gender-swapped version of National Treasure. And the second act gives us some actually legitimately unsettling scenes and…

  • Fight Club

    Fight Club

    ★★★★★

    Okay so... full disclosure. I was only watching this movie again for the podcast I’m doing where we’re currently going through all of David Fincher’s films (Directed By. Check it out. Link here). And I was dreading coming back to it. It’s got such a gaudy reputation in the “film bro” community - to the point where it’s almost reached the point of self-parody. So, while I may sound like quite the pretentious asshole saying this, I almost hate to admit…