Cardcaptor Sakura: The Movie

Cardcaptor Sakura: The Movie

So the movie opens up with them trying to capture The Arrow card and she is not going down without a fight! But Sakura is a badass so she perseveres and takes her down. Arrow may have had hopes and dreams but now she is just another card in Sakura's deck. Nothing personal. Just part of the job of being a Cardcaptor. When they get home the Clow book starts glowing which I take to mean the other captured cards are making fun of the Arrow card hard.

The next day Sakura, her future wife, Tomoyo, her future ex-husband, Syaoran Li, and her rival and from the looks of it via the Clear Card Arc, future girlfriend, Meiling Li are getting their report cards before they go on school break. Meiling protests that she didn't get straight As but we fans know it's probably because she turned down the creepy pedo-ass advances of Mr. Terada. Seriously, f*** that creepy ass predatory deuch.

After school Sakura and the future, Mrs. Sakura stops at a shop and she just happens to win a trip for four to Hong Kong, the place where POLICE STORY 1 & 2 and KNOCK OFF take place!! Her dad can't go on account of all the college students he still has to bang so that means Sakura is stuck with her dick brother whose always teasing her! It's not all bad though, because along with him, his very special friend and the object of Sakura's affections Yukito is always coming along! Yeah, Sakura's gaydar doesn't work very good but she couldn't be happier.

Then the movie turns into a travelogue as we experience anime Hong Kong through their eyes. But there is a darkness lurking about because (one of) Clow Reed's jilted ex-girlfriend's spirit is still pissed and wants some good old payback against him. So Sakura has one of her prothetic dreams like Leonard Nimoy in BAFFLED! and these two birds stalk Sakura. This leads to them running into Syaoran and Meiling who have returned to Hong Kong during the break. Syaoran is still a jerk btw. Also, when Meiling bumped into Tomoyo I'm just gonna assume Meiling was collecting her protection money. After reteaming with them (sadly we never get a speech from Meiling about how they're on her turf now) they go to Syaoran's pad where they meet his sisters who apparently never leave the house considering how they react to Sakura and her crew. Or they just think Japanese people are facsinating and mysterious. While there they also meet Syaoran's MILF-tastic mom and learn that she is a powerful magician. They spend the night and Tomoyo gets to share a bed with Sakura, and Kero, unfortunately, so she's as good as gold as well. Figure Toya and Yukito couldn't have any fun because there is no way Syaoran's sisters are not into Boy's Love. Or maybe they like the audience? I don't judge and the movie never answers this pressing question. Also, Sakura has another prothetic dream this time with ribbon tentacles so Im'ma just gonna assume that Clow was into some kinky stuff.

Not long after departing and getting back to their vacation, Sakura comes across a book that possesses and transports her to some underworld dimension thing and it is revealed the angry spirit is named Su Yung (Megumi F***ing Hayashibara) and she is unaware that Clow Reed is dead and is probably not gonna apologize for that one night stand or stringing her along or whatever dipshit thing that dipshit did. So now we're in the part I start tuning out because Sakura's friends get captured and she has a magic fight with Yung and then Syaoran's mom comes in and is kinda like 'So my son dropped the ball like he dropped the ball on his report card huh? Oh yeah, your magic is totes way more powerful than his too btw' and does a thing and Sakura goes back to magic fighting Sung for the final battle (naturally The Arrow from the beginning of the movie, now Sakura's slave I mean ally, has a badass highlight during this climax). Sakura is finally able to convince Yung that it is the future for her and Clow is long dead. With the knowledge of knowing of that asshole is gone, her spirit is finally able to rest.

With the not-very-evil Sung finally finding peace, Sakura and her crew goes back to having fun on their vacation in Hong Kong and we wish them well while we gear up season 2 of the series.
It was a fun adventure. Like every single one of these made-to-cash-in-on-a-popular-cartoon-show-movies, I wish the climax wouldn't go on for as long as it does but that's unfortunately how it goes. At least here it's mostly shoved all the way to back and we instead get Sakura and her crew's crazy Hong Kong adventure and even learn why Syaoran is so uptight and has issues with women.

Still, would have been nice if Kero tried to take Sakura and Tomoyo on the same bar crawl him, Clow, and Yui used to hit up when hung out in Hong Kong all those years ago. Plus the aforementioned lack of Meiling on her turf stuff. But alas, we can't have everything and what we get here is good.

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