how did they manage to make this so mediocre? not just mediocre, but a sprawling mess as well - around halfway into the film i realised that i had no idea what the central conflict was, or who the main villain was, or what the everloving fuck the plot was doing. the jokes were (mostly) funny, but it's disappointing that they weren't attached to a plot worth anything.

it's sad that i walked out of the cinema feeling like i would have enjoyed the film if it had managed to choose one plotline and stick to it, rather than trying to cover around 256 themes and character dynamics at once. it could have been a film purely about gamora and nebula ending their rivalry or peter dealing with his abandonment issues, and it would have been interesting. instead, the most interesting developments only get a few short scenes to play out in between the carnage and the thinly developed new characters (pom klementieff doesn't deserve this shit, you monsters).

all of that ranged from slightly off to annoying, but what really pissed me off was the film trying to pull a dumbledore-type redemption arc with yondu. a father figure knowingly letting a child grow up in an abusive environment then gaining undeserved forgiveness when the child is grown up? leave it in 2010. the idea that bigger is always better? kill it with fire.

(this does have one thing going for it: i thought dr strange was going to be in this one and i was living in fear BUT james gunn didn't make me look at benedryl cucumber's face and for that i am thankful)