Those Who Wish Me Dead

Those Who Wish Me Dead ★★★

I think this one might be kind of brilliant, and had I the wherewithal and the planning to have waited to see in theaters, I would maybe call it a soft masterpiece. listen, I texted Caroline that I might have loved the picture and she texted me back the absurd screenshot of Aidan Gillan and Nick Hoult in their "ma'am, we're here to check your meter" disguises with a voice memo that said, "why are they wearing different outfits? why are they different heights? you're not gonna let these guys in your house," which, to me, is a grade-a symbol of movie magic. I am largely uninterested in social realism (jk) but I also love when I yell "I wouldn't do that if I were you!!!" at the TV screen. my mom read the book this was adapted from and kept saying "this wasn't like the book" every five minutes, but the other thing she said about the book re: our devious little henchmen duo was "I think they're supposed to be brothers?" no idea what kind of American accent Aidan Gillan is doing; no idea what kind of American accent Nicholas Hoult is doing. the banality of evil here is really chef's kiss - I love when henchmen are not friends, they are COWORKERS, and they barely think the other one is capable or worthy of being each other's partner. if they were/are canonically brothers, that is even funnier and beautiful to me. a movie is great if it makes all of my girlies text me obscenities about Jon Bernthal. I kept thinking it would be so cute if Paul Dano directed this Montana fire movie and Taylor Sheridan directed Wildlife. in many ways, both of these are movies about learning to accept you have a mom that cusses. the kid here rocks - actually a perfect performance. kids in these kinds of movies are either too capable or too baby - he is the ideal balance of both. at my last pre-pandemic haircut in October of 2019, the day I went to go see Uncut Gems at NYFF and [REDACTED CELEB] was "weird to me" (it's fine), my stylist kept begging me to get bangs and would say, "it's gonna be sooo fun and funky." I neglected the bangs at the time, spent sixteen months thinking about how I didn't get them, then got them in March of this past year. if I take one of my accidental 6pm naps for twelve minutes, my bangs are ruined for the next four days. Angelina Jolie's bangs never look more than slightly mussed and she survives every known element to man minus snow. imo, the world's most consistent hairstyle in spite of wildfire/axe fight/lightning is not something to complain about; it is something to REJOICE about. cinema is back and it is better than ever!

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