The Northman

The Northman ★★★

Love, heavy metal style.

I liked this, I didn’t love it. The production elements are amazing, and I liked the performances. Skarsgård is better than he’s ever been here. He looks fucking beefy insane hot here; no idea how you turn your body into this. And I really appreciated that it was secretly a love story more than a vengeance story - a sheep in wolves clothing.

But now, a short list of things I’m growing weary of in movies:

1. Hamlet stories (the idea that anyone watching a movie with a character named Hamlet thinks it’s a LION KING adaptation is infuriating, btw)
2. Literal family trees (it almost always makes sense, doubly so here given the mythology it’s based on, and yet - it feels like such a hollow image in most movies)
3. Chapter breaks (9 times out of 10 this just makes your movie seem even longer than it already is, and 9 times out of 10 your movie is too long already)

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