Popular reviews

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  Review by 👽hayley👽 ★ 5

  bitches ! you BITCHES ! THIS IS MURDER! *MURDER!* YOU'LL ALL BE GUILTY! and you're doing it for NOTHING!..... killing me won't bring back your GODDAMN HONEY! ARRRRRRRRRRRGH........ ooooooohhh.... i don't get it......... i'm not one of you..... i don't BELIEVE in your god !! i don't believe in sacrifice........ ARRRRRRRRGh......... oooooohhwww......... ohhhhwwww......... oH NO DONT MOVE ME AHHHHHHHHH WHA-AWWWWWWWW !! what is it? what is it? wha-what is it what IS IT WHAT IS IT?!!! OH NO NOT THE BEES! NOT THE BEEEEEEEEES! AAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!! OH THEYRE IN MY EYES! MY EYES!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHH!!! AHHHHHHHHHGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!......................................... oh god........ oh mai gawd..... OH MAI GAWD

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  Review by Simon Ramshaw ★★★★ 8

  I want you to imagine a world where another one of the classic psychological thrillers of the 20th century, The Silence of the Lambs, was remade in a similarly terrible fashion to this. This is how the classic 'Lambs' scene between Clarice and Lecter would pan out...

  Lecter: After your father's murder, you were orphaned, you were 10 years old. You went to live with cousins on a sheep and horse ranch in Montana. And?...

  Clarice:...and one morning I just ran away.

  Lecter: Not 'just', Clarice. What set you off? You started at what time?

  Clarice: Early, still dark.

  Lecter: Then something woke you, didn't it? Was it a dream? What was it?

  Clarice: I heard a strange noise.

  Lecter:…

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  Review by Bruno ★½ 21

  While The Wicker Man is really atrocious, it manages to entertain the audience with a couple of unintentionally hilarious moments and an “inspired” performance from Nicolas Cage. This is the worst film I’ve seen him in by far. It’s supposed to work as a suspense thriller but apart from one scene that was a bit creepy, nothing is remotely convincing or intriguing. The constant use of flashbacks was annoying and the hallucination sequences turned to be funny instead of disturbing. The performances were horrendous all around and Cage hit another really low point in his career with this work. For the most part, The Wicker Man is boring and just plain terrible, but at least the last portion presents us with some of the most outrageously funny sequences in the history of cinema.

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  Review by Hollie Horror ★★ 5

  While I didn't care for The Wicker Man remake, I would like to move to this version of Summerisle where men do not talk.

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  Review by Noah Thompson ★½

  KILLING ME WON'T BRING BACK YOUR GODDAMN HONEY

  Acknowledging that I'm at the stage of my life where if I go too long without a Nic Cage movie, my body's just going to stop working. He's my life blood, someone who I adore to watch in everything I have seen him in. Whether in a great movie or in the most rancid celluloid garbage you can think of, he's there to elevate things because he's Nic fuckin' Cage. Case in point with "rancid celluloid garbage," the 2006 remake of The Wicker Man. This is I think my fourth time watching this movie? I own this shit on DVD. I watched it one time with the commentary on. I would consider…

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  Review by matt lynch ★★★ 3

  I'm not going to bat for this as some hidden success just waiting to be reclaimed, but it's a lot more interesting than its idiotic "so bad it's good" reputation would suggest. It definitely has a tough time juggling some pretty disparate tones, but that awkwardness also goes a long way in keeping things off-balance, unsettling. Not even setting aside bits that are clearly intentionally humorous, Cage in particular is pretty terrific (at least I think so, but I gather there's some debate) as a rigid cop traumatized on two fronts, both by the horrible incident that opens the movie and his sad mistrust of women, and his ability to behave rationally disintegrates along with his authority.

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  Review by Sienna D ★★★★★ 3

  I absolutely adore this film; of course for its utter atrociousness and Nic Cage being crazy Nic Cage.

  As a genuine fan of the original I would love nothing more to write this remake off for all of its faults, and that's exactly what I would have done, if it wasn't for Nicolas Cage.

  What is better than crazy Nic Cage punching women and overreacting to CG bees? Nothing. Literally. Nothing. Seriously. There. Is. Nothing. Ever.

  He pulls out trash that should have been left in the garbage covered in last weeks left over Chinese food, and kicks its ass into the realm of brilliance and immortality.

  Nic Cage personally earns himself a full five stars for this masterpiece as he, single-handedly, eclipses any fault to be beheld.

  Oh, and Nostalgia Critics "Bear Jokes" www.youtube.com/watch?v=NSiMnPAt1BY

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  Review by katie ★

  if the entire 102 minute runtime of this movie consisted only of what happened in the last 30 minutes the film would improve GREATLY

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  Review by nadine smith ★★★★ 1

  “we’re different here. if you’ve grown up around it, it’s one thing. but we’re odd.”

  i had a sneaking suspicion that the internet’s desire to apotheosize this into one of cinema’s great mockable trashterpieces might be due to a fundamental misreading of the film. that’s not necessarily anyone’s fault; it’s moreso that most people don’t have the emotional baggage or lived experience to see what it seems (to me, at least) labute is doing.

  in some respects, this plays like a knockoff of THE VILLAGE, but it’s actually more like THE HAPPENING. it’s not just that both films are led by bizarre, histrionic performances by often derided stars that confound our assumptions about “good acting”, but they’re also both easier…

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  Review by nathaxnne (hiatus) ★★★★★ 5

  This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

  "Once meek, and in a perilous path,
  The just man kept his course along,
  The vale of death.
  Roses are planted where thorns grow,
  And on the barren heath
  Sing the honey bees."
  - William Blake, from The Marriage Of Heaven And Hell

  
  u can keep ur nic cage memes
  i am here for the ellen burstyn memes!!!
  (happy birthday ellen burstyn!!! <3 <3)

  for better or worse, i have never understood the reputation this film has, either as a colossal turkey (and what is wrong with that anyway?) or as a partially reclaimed semi-kitsch Nicolas Cage vehicle. it makes all the sense in the world that Neil LaBute would want to update the xtian vs pagan culture clash with…

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  Review by amaya ★ 6

  exhausted and angry, i finally collapse somewhere quiet in my school. it's 6 pm. my friend and i look deeply at each other. we are drained from this terrible day ; we know what we have to do.
  as always, when we are going through rough patches, we decide to watch a nicolas cage movie in order to believe in the beauty of life again.
  we look at her black computer screen, wondering. what should we pick? why not the wicker man? there's that fun scene with bees in it. that's exactly what we need.

  two hours later.
  my friend and i lay broken on the floor. we're too empty to cry. the movie was so bad. horrible. a burning…

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  Review by Andy Summers ★ 4

  Every now and again, usually against your better judgement, you let your wife talk you into giving something awful another watch. Neil Labute's Wicker Man falls right into that category, a movie so bad that even Nicolas Cage wishes he'd given it a miss. It has however found a bit of a cult following in recent years as another of those so-bad-its-good films that warrants a reassessment. Oh dear, despite a few unintentional laughs, this was pants.
  Nicolas Cage frustrates me. I'm a big fan of the man from Long Beach, but he does test that love with some odd career choices. He's made so many shit films in recent years that his star wattage has dimmed considerably. I long…