Midnight Mass

Midnight Mass ★★★★★

I had my crisis of faith not long ago. Every gay boys/girls who's born in conservative households must undergo this phase earlier than most people. And we know, as we approach adulthood we should also try to overcome other crisis, such as emotional crisis and crisis of identity. This is why this phase is deadly for us faggots. Seriously, deadly.

The questions "does god love me" "why he created me gay if he does" "can i really turn normal" "is me as a person a product of sin?" and so on... It was (and still is) there in my head all the time. Through denial I tried to bring myself to god, and no, i can't turn 'normal'. The question got bigger, maybe I should choose another faith? I tried my best, I kept on trying, and i'm lonely, there is no god that i could turn to, not family, not my country, not my tradition, just lonely.

But the thing about having a crisis is, I'll become exponentially stronger than before IF I conquer it. So I did some revolution in my method. I don't choose god anymore. I search god. As every religions say. I believe whoever seeks for His Mightiness will be the luckiest of all. I read Quran. And I'm conflicted. Many verses don't align with what Muhammad PBUH did. Such as An-Nisa:34 who mentions on how to treat rebelling wive. But he himself never hit his rebelling wives and condemns hitting against women. Also, many verses were overriden by another. Such as the "sword verse" of At-Taubah that contradicts Al-Baqarah:84 "Thou shalt not kill"

Just then I found my favourite verses.
Al-Jathiyah:13 "...He subjected to you whatever is in the heavens and whatever is on the earth - all from Him. Indeed in that are signs for people who give thought." and
Al-Baqarah:73 "...'Strike him (the corpse) with a piece of it:’ thus does Allah revive the dead, and He shows you His signs so that you may exercise your reason."
So I thought maybe this is god's puzzle all along. One who have good faith should not be scared to seek understanding of miracle. The ustadz should never be scared of scientist. God created us to THINK. God makes some questionable verses to THINK. Scientifically and Spiritually. Think before we tafsiir (interpret) the Quran, and Think before whatever we do in life. I searched my god. And i found my god and THAT IS MY GOD.

My god doesnt discriminate, I believe my god creates Al-A'raf:80 , Leviticus:18-20 just to make sure humans using his blessings (brain) enough. my god is all the loving Jesus, loving Allah, Buddha, and Vishnu. My god is in science and in the quantum just like Al-Ghazali said. My god is ONE, he is both all-named & unnamed. He told me to love others AND I LOVE HIM SO MUCH.

Thus Midnight Mass is just confirming that I am right, i am strong, my faith is right on whatever I crouched to believe in and YES, god loves me. As you guessed, the scariest horror are those that relate to me. Mike Flanagan captured the whole spiritual eerienes with beauty and passion no other man can possibly do. The cinematography is unbent. There always magic in Mike's lenses. As we seen in The Haunting of Hill House, The miniseries are crafted along with some gorgeous monologues about god and death that will definitely calm our faith especially with Nearer My God To Thee backdrop. For me? I teared. Emotionally evoking piece of narratives are very hard to seek. Especially if it is scary, haunting, and heart-trembling. The cast, Hamish linklater, Zach Gilford, Kate Siegel, Rahul Kohli and the list goes on, they did an absolutely best effort to make the emotions flow, rise, drowns, and keep on fluctuating. Effective long shots are yet again showed as Mike Flanagan's trademark. The Crockett Island, where the people fundamentally on the same shade of faith, just with different approach and thus how the dynamics are created. The terror and cruelness, the blood and the holiness, I can feel it. Themes about death, resurrection, and afterlife, An amazing horror set in a small community to yet again reminds humans in broader and complex definitions that yes suffering exists and God doesn't choose who he loves. Midnight Mass story promises you that all of this spiritual trembles of testaments and death will make sense in heart. It all just depends on where you decide to look.

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