July Horror 2021, day 28 - inspired by true crime
"You've probably seen my picture in the paper, I'm the Dairy Princess"
Ok guys, brace your butter for the GREATEST MOVIE EVER MADE - Midwest Obsession! Surprisingly it's not about Ohio State football or pickup maintenance or grilling the perfect steak, it's a Lifetime stalker movie but with COWS! So, so many cows. The cows really set this thing apart from every other movie like this called Deadly Obsession or…
February Horror 2021, Day 20, challenge #6 - SOV
"He opened an extradimensional porthole!" He sure did. Wow, even the description of this movie is an adventure. (And yes, I'm pretty sure he said "porthole." Ahoy matey! To the pirate dimension! I wish.)
Aaand we're tossed right into some kind of yard wrestling/kicking match that makes the rake fight in Hobgoblins look dignified. Somebody coughs, keep rolling! No music, just lawn kicking and birds chirping. As nature intended. This is brought to…
Happy (belated) Shark Week!* I watched a crappy "movie" that barely had any shark in it, thanks to Rifftrax! There is a lot of sunset though. A whoooole lotta sunset. I know, they should superimpose a giant sky shark over it! Nahh, that would be silly *cough*
4 stars for the Rifftrax, which was great. This would be brutal without it. How is this a movie, most youtube videos have better production quality.
One of the "actors" looks like an…
November Horror 2021 challenge #26 - something happens in a store
"Well, the devil believes in you"
Seriously just call your movie HEY BITCH, THIS HAS SPOOKY TREE MOSS IN IT! and I'll come runnin'. I don't even care if you call me a bitch, I am that bitch. I mean this movie is pretty much, for lack of a better term, moss porn. Moss in the morning, moss at night, moss by a pool, moss swaying in front of…
Oh, I hate when this happens. Everyone else likes this, so why don't I?
I see the artsiness. The shot at the beginning of the little girl in her raincoat reflected in the water was so innocent yet so ominous, and I was like yes, this is gonna be great!! Then... nothing happened. Then some more nothing happened. Then I fell asleep, woke up, and thought a cat had stepped on something that took me to porn. 70s mustache porn,…
