Fear Street: 1666

Fear Street: 1666

Mind-numbing needle-drops substituted for ear-splitting accents, the closest this one comes to any hint of scary is having to listen to people vocalise in the first half. Why was it necessary to use the same cast? It added nothing but wincing n Lucky Charm impersonations. The killers reduced to plot roadblocks, appearing when needed and disappearing when not. 

Petty means to subvert, when the entire subversion is weighed on the basis of a lesbian romance crux which is underwritten, overwrought and to top it off, insincere. Forsaken further by the two romancers caught-up in overlong unmoving emotional scenes, both comically poor in displaying feeling, like a couple of deers in neon headlights. Each entry with an overwhelming desire to be noticed but doing nothing of note beyond a weekly release, each with about as much depth and teenage angst as Riverdale. 

The entire thematic division between sunnyvale and shadyside is just an incidental side effect of Goode’s lust for power? Really? The guy called ‘Goode’ is the real evil? Really? Murdering someone regularly for the devil purely to become sheriff, and not to amass literally anything else? Really? 

Wooden characters, wooden writing, wooden performers, wooden execution and a big ol’ dollop of melodrama reminiscent more of Disney channel than any Salem witch-hunt that it lousily attempts to imitate, corrupt with a horrendous understanding of how to depict the period. This finale the nail in the coffin of sheer mediocrity and aggravation, amping up the grandstanding and toning down whatever menace or creativity was left to 0. 

Had hope this’d knuckle down, transcend the genre conventions of the first two films, but ended up the flat on it’s face, the most conventional and tedious round off enlisting uninspired rehashes and weak plotting with a meaningless social-class message. Not even the lack of music could save this from collapsing in on itself, embarking in many directions and ending up nowhere. A flash in a shallow pan. Cheap thrills with no grit. Least now I don’t have the hope and subsequent disappointment of it getting any better. What a waste

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