• Jane Eyre

    Jane Eyre

    ★★½

    Imagine a crying Michael Fassbender saying to you “I can bend you with my finger and my thumb” with his hands gently squeezing your throat and your reaction is to runaway… from your castle… hysterical… Can’t relate.

  • Venom

    Venom

    ★★½

    Venom the movie: 2/5

    Venom the character: 5/5

    #nohomo?

  • Lost in La Mancha

    Lost in La Mancha

    I’m the production and customers at work are the planes when I’m busy

  • Dumplin'

    Dumplin'

    ★★★½

    Me the whole movie: *squeals out of cuteness*

  • Life of the Party

    Life of the Party

    ★½

    When was anyone gonna tell me that the hot guy is the kid from how to eat fried worms. How old am I???

  • Men in Black: International

    Men in Black: International

    ★½

    Kumail Nanjiani saved this movie. It would have made a better limited series ngl. Felt super rushed. An 8 ep arc would have done the characters, training, and story some good.

  • Tomb Raider

    Tomb Raider

    ★★★★★

    Ok but like this was actually really good. I think it’s a 3.5 star movie but I’m bumping it up to 5 stars cuz of all the man babies who cried about a leading strong woman who’s not objectified my gawd. Any movie that can do that is a 5 in my books. 

    She was so strong and powerful, those abs 👀, wearing reasonable clothing, and she actually got hurt unlike male leads in similar movies. Graphics weren’t the best…

  • The Woman in the Window

    The Woman in the Window

    I feel like this was made by tiktokers. Cringe. Predictable. Full of weird effects.

  • Now You See Me

    Now You See Me

    ★★

    Not as good as I remembered?? What happened lmao

  • Cruella

    Cruella

    ★★★½

    Artie is just the best. I love him and want more of him in every movie. 

    The makeup and outfits are also incredibly on point.

  • Sahara

    Sahara

    ★★½

    Damsel in semi-distress: The woman who can hold her own but is also clueless and needs a man to explain and coach her through something he shouldn’t know either but he does cuz he’s the likeable leading man representing all men who wish they could order around an innocent but confident (yet not too confident to overshadow him) Penelope Cruz then get laid by her.

  • Spy

    Spy

    ★★★½

    Ok but Jason stathem one upping his own stories is pretty funny