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  • Satantango

    Satantango

    A REVIEW FOR MY #1 FAVORITE FEATURE FILM OF MY ENTIRE EXISTENCE, AND MAYBE FOREVER WITH A 99.95% PROBABILITY.

    Don't read it as a review, but as a magazine article. This is the longest thing I have ever written about one single film, but it is also the only review that made me cry out of sentiment while constructing it.

    Before starting to construct a modest, fully developed essay about Béla Tarr's Sátántangó, let's make a nostalgic resume about some…

  • The Cook, the Thief, His Wife & Her Lover

    The Cook, the Thief, His Wife & Her Lover

    ***One of the best 150 films I have ever seen.***

    As any brilliant avant-garde film, Peter Greenaway's absolute masterpiece is an attack to the senses. This attack, however, has the sensual danger of awakening the most primitive instincts of the human being. It has always been interesting to notice Greenaway's past focus on architectonic stillness and provocative imagery with symbolic representations. This film is no exception. Conglomerating bizarre elements and a literally unbeatable sense of humor that abounds in cleverness…

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  • The Fifth Seal

    The Fifth Seal

    ★★★★★

    "9 And when he had opened the fifth seal, I saw under the altar the souls of them that were slain for the word of God, and for the testimony which they held:

    10 And they cried with a loud voice, saying, How long, O Lord, holy and true, dost thou not judge and avenge our blood on them that dwell on the earth?

    11 And white robes were given unto every one of them; and it was said unto…

  • The Funeral

    The Funeral

    ★★★½

    Accessible does not necessarily mean simple, and in the case of this auteur, the more "accessible" moviemaking conventionalisms allow him to explore complex character arcs through relatable situations that more people can grasp. Death surrounds death, and Ferrara not only believes in the carnal birth, but in the spiritual struggle, and a religious cathartic reconciliation.

    I would take this over Coppola's 90s gangster rendition gladly as it ventures into the realm of the application of self-justice in spite of the…

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  • Love Exposure

    Love Exposure

    ★★★★★

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    WARNING. The following movie has:

    1) 237 minutes in length
    2) The movie title appearing after one hour of running time
    3) A drag
    4) Tosatsu
    5) Kung-fu
    6) Sex
    7) Genital gore
    8) Ultraviolence
    9) Lesbians
    10) A "Virgin Mary"
    11) Erections
    12) Kung Fu butt-kicking female teens
    13) Psychotic menopausal females
    14) Pornographic furniture
    15) A Joshuu 701-gô: Sasori (1972) tribute with a pinky film spoof character called "Miss Scorpion"
    16) Love
    17) Romance
    18) "Exposure"
    19) Lust…

  • Drive

    Drive

    ★★★★★

    Before you ask, this is not my first Refn movie. In that way, I can know that:

    - He still likes to dress his crooks with light grey pants and have some of them bald, like if they were still living in Denmark.
    - He still uses an awesome techno soundtrack (with some pop touches that I can forgive) to open his films and to close them. The underground nudist dive bars / seedy joints cannot be omitted, of course.…