• Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore

    Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Hot gay Dumbledore vs Magical Lecter might sound like a treat but it really, really isn't.

    This is a movie about magic with the magic of movies beaten out of it by soulless writing, poor performances and above all so much nonsensical shit making it an arduous task to trudge through this sludge of vapid sepia coloured bullshit.

  • G.I. Jane

    G.I. Jane

    ★★

    Like a slap in the face.

  • Eternals

    Eternals

    ★★★

    When I first read the comic mini-series about the Eternals written by Neil Gaiman, I was struck by how tonally different this was from anything else in the Marvel Universe. These were not the grounded heroes like Spiderman, or the grim-faced warriors from the X-men, or even the overblown hero types of the Avengers. No, these were from the bizarre cosmological side of Marvel. But even there they were an entity of their own. There wasn't the light-heartedness of the…

  • Antlers

    Antlers

    ★½

    Finally the sequel to Bambi we deserve.

  • Howl's Moving Castle

    Howl's Moving Castle

    ★★★★★

    I rewatched this through the eyes of my children today and their enthrallment made me appreciate it even more than I did the first time I watched it many years ago.

    I remember having problems with the way it structured its story, that it felt a bit uneven. But now it all sort of clicked. 'It's just a love story, dad.' is what my 9 year old daughter said. And I guess it's as simple as that. The dance Howl…

  • Encanto

    Encanto

    ★★★★

    I'll start by saying that I did not care for the songs that much. That's on me, I rarely do. They weren't bad or anything, I'm just not a fan of musicals which this in essence is.

    I absolutely loved everything else though.

    I'd say this is the least formulaic Disney has been in quite some time with its animated features. I know, I know, it looks like just about anything that comes out these days and reeks of 'WE…

  • Don't Look Up

    Don't Look Up

    ★★★★★

    Didn't really understand what it was all about, but sure did like watching all them big Hollywood folk chatting!

  • A Boy Called Christmas

    A Boy Called Christmas

    Santa's origin story.

    Still does not make me like Christmas.

    My son kept mumbling 'Sick edits' whenever there was a visual transition in the story.

    I'll give it that. It has some. Hidden among the saccharine yuckiness that is surprisingly devoid of colour and joy a movie like this should probably have.

    But what the fuck do I know. I hate Christmas.

  • V/H/S/94

    V/H/S/94

    1 - No

    2 - No

    3 - No. With bits of yes.

    4- No.

    Bits in between - No

    Final verdict - No

  • Uncut Gems

    Uncut Gems

    ★★★★★

    Sometimes you need the quiet moments to appreciate the storm raging around you. Uncut Gems allows you just enough moments in the eye of the storm to calmly gaze at the epic tragedy whirling around you, only to suck you back in with triple the force.

    This film is a fucking hurricane.

  • No Time to Die

    No Time to Die

    ★★★★

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    I am fully aware that this rating is inflated because of the very simple fact that this closes off an era of something that was very dear to my heart.

    Bond has always been a big part of my life. I started with Connery, an actor my mum had a huge crush on, and was always enthralled by the lightness of the adventure, the charm, the grandness of the good versus evil at stake. After that, as an avid reader…

  • Venom: Let There Be Carnage

    Venom: Let There Be Carnage

    ★★★★

    Exactly what I'd thought would happen if Gollum directed a movie.