The Human Centipede (First Sequence)

The Human Centipede (First Sequence)

"I don't like human beings."

I'm ashamed to say I've now sat through Tom Six's 'The Human Centipede' not once, but twice, a film as disgusting as it is wincing and one that looks akin to a bad, mid-2000s TV movie, the camerawork and editing being so amateur that you can't help but wonder if you're not watching a student film. Once the main events kick off, you'll be treated to a few gross-out moments, mostly diminished in their impact due to the parodies and jokes over the years, but it still has some discomfort to enjoy (anything involving the knees puts me in pain).

Of course, all of this madness is executed solely because this universe is plagued with the most idiotic, clueless players in existence, the victims shrugging off a good 5-10 separate instances of escape because they lack critical thinking and common sense. This makes things entertaining for the twisted German doctor, who is so obsessed with his medical creation yet discombobulated by the lack of sleep and his own delusions that he, too, begins to make mistakes, leading to the laugh-out-loud finale where the world's worst detectives come to investigate the missing victims. It's a riot.

If you've been around for a while and have yet to see this, surely you know what to expect after all these years and you should save yourself the time and headache from watching it. It has almost nothing on offer, minus a couple so-bad-they're-good moments, and if you're looking for a truly twisted, fucked up movie, there are so many others that are much better objectively and that don't rely on piss poor scripts and idiotic ideas to shock and sicken you.

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