• Obi-Wan Kenobi

    Obi-Wan Kenobi


    I may have written this before, but it bears repeating: I could live the remainder of a long and fulfilling life without ever seeing the surface of Tatooine again. Seriously, between fully half the movies, plus The Mandalorian, The Book of Boba Fett, and now this, I have spent more hours on Tatooine than I have in the western part of Massachusetts, and I've lived here for most of forty years. At this point I'm convinced D.B. Cooper escaped to…

  • X



    I am going to Texas next week, so it seems like the perfect time to watch a movie about a bunch of out-of-towners getting rapemurdered by local repressed Jesus freaks driven mostly crazy by isolation and a God that told them to keep their hands off their junk, but not their shotguns.

    It is 1979, and a small group of indie filmmakers roll into East Leatherface, Texas, to a rented ranch guest house, to film a porno that, based on…

  • Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness

    Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness


    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Protip: do not ever attend an ex's wedding, even if there is an unlimited open bar. Actually, especially if there is an open bar. And extra especially if you have the magical power to turn your ex's new spouse into something that greedily feeds on pig dung. Anyway, this is a movie about selling Disney Plus subscriptions.

    Okay: there's a teenage girl named America Chavez who has the power to physically travel the Multiverse, but not to become a breakthrough…

  • Everything Everywhere All at Once

    Everything Everywhere All at Once


    Jesus Christ, how do you even start to talk about this movie? Seriously, this is unlike anything I've ever seen before, and I'm a guy so steeped in comics, science fiction and fantasy that God himself should be giving me an atomic wedgie out of pure nerd disgust.

    Okay: Evelyn, a Chinese immigrant, owns a laundromat with her husband Waymond. Her disapproving father is visiting, Evelyn can't quite come to terms with her daughter Joy's girlfriend, and she's being audited…

  • The Rocketeer

    The Rocketeer


    Can somebody explain to me why The Rocketeer didn't make a billion dollars? I mean, sure, in the summer of 1991, it was up against Terminator 2, Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves, Point Break, City Slickers, and What About Bob, but c'mon: it was a comic book movie two years after Batman, and a period pulp adventure story along the lines of Indiana Jones. That should've been box office gold, easy.

    It's such a fun, simple concept: a hot-headed stunt…

  • No Time to Die

    No Time to Die


    They say that James Bond hates women. Jesus Christ, after the last four movies, I can't see why.

    So Bond is on vacation in Italy with, I think, one of the girls from Spectre - it's been like six years since that one, and I only saw it once because it wasn't that great - when she demands that he go visit Vesper Lynd's grave and make peace with her memory. So the next morning, he leaves the girl and…

  • Eaten Alive

    Eaten Alive


    This movie opens with Robert Englund saying, "My name's Buck, and I'm rarin' to fuck," as he unzips his pants, and as much as I enjoy the Tobe Hooper movies I've seen, clearly we are not in for A Midsummer Night's Dream II: Pretend We Said Buck Instead of Puck in the First One here.

    Hooper made his name on The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, a movie with a simple premise at its core: in America, if you take the wrong…

  • Morbius



    Where is the lightning to lick you with its tongue? Where is the madness with which you should be cleansed? Behold, I show you the Superman. He is this lightning, he is this madness.

    — Friedrich Nietzsche

    My SO has become enamored of the Morbius memes, and I know of no other way to discourage this behavior than the rightfully maligned, yet time honored, tradition of rubbing her nose in it, at least figuratively. So yes, we are doing... this.…

  • The Stepfather

    The Stepfather


    I watched this movie about a year ago, and I'm not sure how much I can add to that write-up, except it occurs to me this time around that we see Jerry, the family-chopping psycho, go through at least two decades worth of looks, the 60s and the 80s, while trying to capture the perfect family that only exists in 1950s sitcoms... and even there, the second Jerry picks up on the double entendre of "Ward, I think you're being…

  • Slam Dance

    Slam Dance


    Tom Hulce, Pinto from Animal House, is an enthusiast of punk rock slamdancing who HAHAHAHAHA I'm sorry, let me start again.

    Tom Hulce is a goofy newspaper surrealist cartoonist with an ex-wife, a kid in tennis lessons, an editor who bitches about deadlines, a secret lover who turns up murdered, a hitman and a dirty cop who want him dead, and is an unwitting pawn in a political sex scandal. Either screenwriter Don Keith Opper, also the writer of Critters,…

  • Double Indemnity

    Double Indemnity


    I only watched this for the first time a couple of years ago, but the 4K Criterion Edition dropped a couple of weeks ago, and my SO's been promising me she'd watch it with me for a while, so it's daydrinking and noir. We should be having that pink wine, the kind that bubbles. But all I got is bourbon.

    I've said before that I worked as an insurance claim rep for a few years right out of college, and…

  • The Baby

    The Baby


    For anyone who thinks that they can't achieve their dreams, I present to you The Baby: a movie about a grown man kept as a diapered infant by a family of three weird chicks in the burbs, and the social worker who wants to kidnap him for nefarious purposes.

    Someone wrote this movie. They convinced someone to write a check to produce it. They hired actors, some good, and some with other things they could be doing, to act in…