Halloween III: Season of the Witch

Halloween III: Season of the Witch ★★★★★

This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

This review may contain spoilers.

The plot of this movie unbeatable: an evil company town that manufactures Halloween novelties that is full of evil Irish people and their robot goons working for an evil Irish wizard who wants to turn every American child's head into a writhing mass of insects and snakes using the power of TV commercials and a stolen piece of Stonehenge.

This movie is in the conversation with 'Patriot Games' and every movie ever made about British royalty as the most anti-Irish film of all time.

We also must acknowledge the bygone golden age of American film when a guy like Tom Atkins, a Pittsburgh legend who looks like your friend's dad and whose very presence on screen makes you feel like you can smell Pall Malls and stale beer, was allowed to be a leading man. Not just amazing because Hollywood doesn't allow people like that to be in movies anymore, but also because he gets to be bare-assed nude on screen after having sex with a woman probably 30 years younger than him. What a pimp. Hollywood needs to acknowledge that women don't want to fuck guys like Harry Styles, Tom Hiddle or Benedict Cumbersnatch, but are hot for Atkins and dudes who look like alcoholic gym teachers.