‘I’m gonna treat you like my own personal jungle gym.’ 🤮

Ok so I saw my mates for the first time in ages today and we got totally baked and I also got slightly tipsy. As soon as I got home, I was like ‘oh shit! kissing booth 2!’ so I’ve decided to watch it right now at 1:24am on a Sunday morning because I’m in the optimal condition for a movie like this, I’m taking notes in real time cos this movie doesn’t deserve my undying attention. I have crumpets and ice cream by the way. Yummy. I’m not eating them at the same time, just so you know.

- 1 3 0  m i n u t e s ? ! ?

- Executive Producer Joey King?

- White privilege is being able to complain about needing money for Harvard while you own a motorbike and live in the suburbs.

- It’s the sequel and they’re still trying to make the OMG girls a thing. Stop. 

- Elle doesn’t reply to her boyfriend straight away so he calls her from the other side of the country to ask why. That’s called a toxic relationship.

- These movies really have no regard for continuity at all.

- So the tutor from Berkeley basically tells her that, to get an education there, she needs more clout and followers. The fuck?

- The best action scene of 2020 involves a mascot carrying a cake.

- ‘Call me an earthquake, cos I’m shook right now...’ 🤬

- Marco looks 30.

- Why the fuck did they tone down the level of milf edition Molly Ringwald in this movie?! It’s one of the only things good about the first one.

Yeah, I stopped taking notes at the 19:56 mark. But I do have something to say about this, on a serious note. This movie has major and I mean MAJOR writing issues. No, I’m not just talking about the dialogue written by someone who probably thinks Blurred Lines is still number one on the top 40, I’m talking about the message this shit puts across. No lie, this would’ve been a 1.5 just because they bumped up the production values slightly but I couldn’t do it. Elle Evans (the protagonist) is an absolute psychopath and it’s not for comedic effect. Over the course of this movie, which is longer than Before Sunset by nearly an hour, she systematically ruins relationships and lives without a shred of consequence. She plays with an innocent guy’s feelings for weeks, accuses her boyfriend of cheating with flimsy evidence that she refused to ask him about in the first place, full on attaches herself to her best friend even though he’s in a relationship and gets all the credit for getting a gay couple together, even though all she did was have a short chat with one of them. Not only that but she’s gifted everything in return. Everything works out for her and her friends and by the end, she’s got a boyfriend who puts all wrongdoing on himself and entry into whatever ridiculously popular university she wants to go to. Is this really what the next generation need to be learning from this shite? No is the answer. Fuck this movie. Joey King, go get a new agent.

Sidenote: In this movie, the pants apparently stay on during sex. Major scientific inaccuracies are not cool movie! 😡