• Sanctuary



    Nearly bargain bin and surprisingly flavorless, even with Qualley disco dancing.

  • Kill Bill: Vol. 1

    Kill Bill: Vol. 1


    Bill is just a Swiftie that took his love of “Speak Now” too far

  • The Craft

    The Craft


    Titled both for the craft of witch* and the craft of acting**!!!

    *levitating, snakes, listening to “How Soon is Now?”

    **Assumpta Serna as candle lady, the woman who plays Fairuza Balk’s mom, random priest shouting “come back, child, come back to Jesus!!”

  • Private Benjamin

    Private Benjamin


    She references An Unmarried Woman and says “I’d have been Mrs. Alan Bates so fast!!”, to which I must say: get in line, sister!! The back half of this blows and also fumbles the return of Eileen Brennan (immaculate performance).

  • The Witches of Eastwick

    The Witches of Eastwick


    I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I simply love movies about hot people. Movies used to just be set in New England. Best cinematic barf.

  • The Beast

    The Beast


    The catastrophe is behind us. We’re bored shitless.


  • Hit Man

    Hit Man


    Most romantic movie since Gone Girl!

  • The Contestant

    The Contestant


    Doesn’t so much as botch the landing as it covers the tarmac in explosives

  • The Zone of Interest

    The Zone of Interest


    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Kept thinking of The Act of Killing throughout, and then: that ending

  • North Star

    North Star


    Sienna Miller’s character is introduced with the caption “famous actress in America”

  • The Lovely Bones

    The Lovely Bones


  • Closer



    Replace both uses of “The Blower’s Daughter” with “F2F” by SZA. Fun to imagine in the last scene that Portman’s character is leaving a matinee of Thoroughly Modern Millie. Nichols and cast, with the otherworldly might of a mother lifting a semi to rescue a baby, elevating this soggy dirge of a script to the very best it could possibly be