• Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom

    Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom

    ★★½

    America’s got Topo fever

  • Dune

    Dune

    ★★★★½

    I bet getting your noggin sliced clean off by Dave Bautista feels so fucking good

  • Lovely, Dark, and Deep

    Lovely, Dark, and Deep

    ★★★

    Goes to show how poor the first few months of every year are in terms of new movie releases when this perfectly *acceptable* horror movie is my favorite thing of 2024 so far

  • Madame Web

    Madame Web

    I’ll tell you one thing, Smokey the Bear would NOT be happy about those three girls leaving a big ass fire burning in the middle of the forest

  • Anyone But You

    Anyone But You

    ★★★

    Hot people doing hot people shit (ruining the dream wedding of their sister)

  • Ocean's Thirteen

    Ocean's Thirteen

    ★★★★½

    Linus playing a character named Lenny with a goofy ass prosthetic nose… what in the Maestro?

  • National Treasure: Book of Secrets

    National Treasure: Book of Secrets

    ★★★★

    Where do you guys think Biden hides the Book of Secrets? I think it’s in his bedside table

  • Journey to the Center of the Earth

    Journey to the Center of the Earth

    ★★

    This movie is a masterpiece but only if I’m watching it on my portable Accurian DVD player from 2006

  • Lisa Frankenstein

    Lisa Frankenstein

    ★★★

    Super cute but something about this one is just off. Like the juice is there but it’s not fully flowing

  • The Lost City

    The Lost City

    ★★½

    I should rewatch 21 Jump Street

  • Dave Made a Maze

    Dave Made a Maze

    ★★★½

    For real though where the fuck did they get this much cardboard

  • Plus One

    Plus One

    ★★★½

    Now THAT’S good chemistry