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  • Hitman's Wife's Bodyguard

    Hitman's Wife's Bodyguard


    “Clients find it helpful writing journal letters to their future selves…”

    Hey there ‘future Cam’... it’s ‘today Cam.’

    I’m not great at first impressions… I just want to say that I think you’d be proud to know that I watched the Hitman’s Bodyguard sequel today.

    As I think back to the original, I ask myself, “What was I so worked up about?” And now, I realize that despite it’s flaws, it was all about the wonderful chemistry of Reynolds and…

  • Wrath of Man

    Wrath of Man


    ”I prefer to lose myself in the dizzy food comfort of synthetic cheese and impossible meat."

    Welcome to Guy Ritchie’s version of HEAT, in which he does away with all those pesky cops as well as any sense of a linear structure.

    Seriously, the first half of this film feels like somebody accidentally dropped the only draft of the original script and scrambled to reassemble it before anyone noticed.

    However, buried deep within is a pretty nifty Statham film that…

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  • Heartbeeps


    Cinematic Time Capsule
    1981 Marathon - Film #124

    ”Being programmed for charm was probably an extra expense…”

    This cinematic misfire is so painfully dull that it may have permanently corroded my fun sensors.

    I mean, how can you make a movie with Stan Winston's Oscar Nominated makeup and a John Williams score that still turns out so unbelievabley boring???

    It just doesn’t compute.

    ”You took the words right out of my speaker.”

    Cinematic Time Capsule - 1981 Ranked

  • Venom



    Cinematic Time Capsule
    1981 Marathon - Film #123

    ”Sergeant? Sorry to interrupt but there’s a woman on the phone. Says she’s a doctor… uh, something about a snake.”

    Dear A. Loewenthal Pet Shop,

    I’m writing to issue a complaint. My son recently ordered a harmless African House Snake from your store, but when he got it home it was discovered to be a Black Mamba. Now I’m not sure if you’re aware but In Africa, the saying goes 'In the…

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