Film #10 of Xs and Ohs.
"I gave you food, I gave you shelter, I gave you every opportunity to grow. And what you did to undermine us... Let's just forget the fact that we are never gonna get Dave to take that damned white button-up shirt off. Can you imagine trying to sell your beer when someone can find a news article that makes you look like a dick less, poison Kool-Aid drinking Heaven's Gate offshoot? That is our…
Film #9 of Xs and Ohs.
"God, we have real trust issues."
"You're eating a real meal. This is amazing."
"Yeah, well, I sleep all day and I mostly want to kill myself when I'm awake, but sure, I'm a little hungry."
"Well, I'm really happy about that."
"If I had crystal meth in my hand and a gun in the other, I would have a hard time choosing."
"But you're hungry."
"Yeah, fine, I'm hungry."
Well, fortunately, I found…
Film #8 of Xs and Ohs.
"Jack doesn't think you're going to make a very good servant, Frank! He said you probably don't know how to take orders very well."
"Do you?"
"No."
"Is that 'cause you're such a little shit?"
"No."
"He is! He is a little shit!"
It makes perfect sense to me to combine the stories of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde with Jack the Ripper. If it hadn't been done previous to this, I have to…
Film #7 of Xs and Ohs.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."
My wife's more of a fan of found footage style films than I am so she picked to watch this today. I expected that she would wind up liking it more than I would, but I'm not sure that was the case. For me, despite the fact that I'm still not exactly sure what in hell happened for real out there in…
Film #6 of Xs and Ohs.
"Baby, there are crosses on the doors. The windows are covered. This is less about keeping someone in as it is about keeping everyone else out."
There just aren't enough Christmas movies that feature Satan, are there? He just kind of always gets left out of the yuletide festivities and maybe, just maybe, that's why he's so mean and nasty all the time. I mean, when's the last time you left out some milk…
Film #5 of Xs and Ohs.
"You know what I think? I think you're not such an honest person. Because I've followed you for eight weeks now and I never once saw you order anything but a fucking sea breeze!"
Red Eye's not the usual type movie one expects to see from Wes Craven any more than Deadly Blessing was this morning. It's more of a thriller than a horror tale, though it puts our girl Rachel McAdams through the…
Film #4 of Xs and Ohs.
"I know about these things. I've read all about them."
I'll be honest, given my experience with Hammer films and understanding that Amicus wasn't that far removed from Hammer, I wasn't expecting to enjoy The House That Dripped Blood as much as I did. I typically find the Hammer films very dry, but this was a lot of fun with its bizarre anthology of stories told by a realtor to an investigator looking into…
Film #3 of Xs and Ohs.
"Listen, I hope you don't scold Faith for coming by."
"No. No, there's nothing personal. I just like to keep an eye on 'er. She's so dumb. She couldn't pour piss from a boot if the instructions were printed on the heel."
With everything going the way it was, I thought I knew how this was going to end, but as he sometimes did, Wes pulled a fast one and gave me two surprise…
"It was all there. You mean you didn't figure it out? Oh, you're really not as smart as I thought you were. I guess I gave you too much credit."
It's Batman Day so I figured that we should watch at least something Batman related at some point and since we hadn't seen this since we were in Alabama last spring, this was the movie.
As dark as the Nolan Batman films are, Matt Reeves goes much darker yet brings…
Film #2 of Xs and Ohs.
"Let's go to the police now and see if they know anything."
"Hey, what about me?"
"Don't worry. We won't be long. Keep your eyes open for some more funerals."
Well, this is a better production than Dracula 3000, but that doesn't mean it makes any more sense than that film did. It does, fortunately, have a couple of horror stalwarts running the show on both sides of things: Donald Pleasence on the side…
Film #1 of Xs and Ohs.
"This vampire dude, he's a brother?"
"No, Humvee, he is not a black man."
"Well, excuse me for sayin', all this bloodsucking stuff, that's some white people shit, right?"
Well, I figured that I'd get the potentially worst of this year's Hooptober films out of the way first and here we are. I don't know what the filmmakers were going for, if they meant for it to be whimsical or if they just needed…
"I found this next to the boy's body."
"One button. At least now we have a lead."
Private Crimes is kind of like the Giallo version of Twin Peaks in that we spend a good portion of the early going meeting a slew of seemingly unrelated characters after the murder of one person and then watch all of their lives get ruined or end during the investigation of that murder. It also reminded me a bit of Henri-Georges Clouzot's Le…