A Tale of Two Sisters

A Tale of Two Sisters ★★★★★

death in the family has a funny way of keeping itself alive. you'll try and forget about it but it's always around the next corner. it's always behind you, always watching you, and it's only stronger when it's possessed by guilt.

my grandpa died on my 21st birthday, apparently holding onto his will to live to speak with me one last time.

he died a painful death. don't want to go into detail but my family decided to pull the plug on him. he fought of his own volition for weeks despite the pain. 

he was slipping in and out of lucidity, forgetting me and everyone else he loved for 90% of the time, 10% of the time completely normal and the grandpa i knew and loved.

my mom kept calling me throughout the day so i could speak to him. i was too busy with my friends at Disneyland.

i finally picked up the phone at night when she kept calling me, incessant. i thought it was just her being obnoxious and spamming me like she usually did when she was worried about how late i was out at night.

through choked sobs she screamed that my grandpa was gone.

"he held on to talk to you, but you were too busy with your fucking friends."

mentally i blacked out after that. idk how i got back to my friend's car, idk how much i screamed and cried in my stupid Ness from Earthbound costume, nothing seemed real, and when i came home it was dead silent. my mother couldn't even look at me.

do you know how much that day haunts me? how much my birthday haunts me? how i think of my grandpa's dying breaths, his final moments of lucidity, how he wasted them on waiting for me? would he be upset if he knew? is he upset if he's watching me now?

grief never goes away completely, but when guilt is involved as well, it doesn't just linger, it haunts.

im sure someday i'll learn to forgive myself but today ive learned to live with it. i just won't let it consume me. at the end of the day i know he'd just want me to be happy, looking forward, not over my shoulder.

that's where all the ghosts are, after all.

brando! liked these reviews