• The Boy Next Door

    The Boy Next Door

    ½

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    What in the Btech James Franco.

    Jennifer Lopez, if you wanna make a porn video make a porn video. You can leave out the other 80 minutes.

    9/100

  • Dallas Buyers Club

    Dallas Buyers Club

    ★★★½

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    An interesting character and an interesting topic. Woodroof was never shown to be a great guy yet in his venture that initially started out as a cash grab he finds the will and even passion to fight against an injustice. This fight for something meaningful slowly takes a hold on the man's life and helps him let go of ugly prejudices and habits. By the end we might still see a heavily flawed character yet one that can inspire for…

  • Interstellar

    Interstellar

    ★★★★½

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    An outstanding concept that Nolan knew exactly how to work with. Emotional and engaging to the highest degree. It makes it all that more perplexing when a majority of the source material is based around actual scientific theories. Black holes, wormholes, time as a dimension, higher dimensions. Topics that just bewilder, frighten and fascinate me to the point where I have scepticism in existence itself yet in the most exciting way. Sent me down a rabbit hole of searching for…

  • 10 Things I Hate About You

    10 Things I Hate About You

    ★★★★

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Say what you want about teen rom coms but I'm never not entertained by them. There's something about that 90's/ 2000's American highschool life. Overall a solid prequel to Dark Knight. Sad what that relationship did to him.

    Yet when I sing Frank Sinatra through the school intercom it's "inappropriate" and "not how you wish your chemistry teacher a happy birthday".

    77/100

  • Jackass Presents: Bad Grandpa

    Jackass Presents: Bad Grandpa

    ★★★

    Few grandpa dick jokes, few grandpa balls jokes, few grandpa shit jokes, few grandpa gets hurt jokes, few grandpa hates his dead wife jokes. Overall I'd say good quality comedy.

    The kid was absolutely golden.

    63/100

  • The Irishman

    The Irishman

    ★★★★★

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Thoroughly enjoyed every second. There's certain indistinguishable qualities these types of movies need in order to work and Scorsese is an expert in them. The cast is enough to make you shiver. An assembly of the three titans of the genre. Each one being at a stage in their career where these types of roles are second nature to them, complete masters in their craft. From the hierarchies to the courtroom drama to the pitiless murders. It's got everything that…

  • Once Upon a Time in America

    Once Upon a Time in America

    ★★½

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    You cannot tell me this isn't stretched as fuck. A standard enough gangster movie that loads itself with filler in order to draw some sort of extra spectacle in its plot points linking together. There could easily have been a more comprehensive build up of characters and storyline. I felt no extra engagement or attachment to anything because of the prolonged screen time. There are elements of beauty of course, in both the score and the cinematography. But when you…

  • Ted 2

    Ted 2

    ★★★

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Wahlberg has it written in his contract somewhere that people have to treat him like he's 4 times more attractive than he actually is in every movie he stars in.

    Where other people saw a teddy bear Tami-lynn saw a lover. Where other people saw a penisless stuffed toy Tami-lynn saw a father. Be more like Tami-lynn.

    58/100

  • Ted

    Ted

    ★★½

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Mark Wahlberg uses the full force of his raw acting abilities to show how kinda disappointed he is after his lifelong friend is brutally murdered.

    It's not impressive. If I was a one of a kind talking teddy bear I'd fuck a lot too.

    53/100

  • The Lion King

    The Lion King

    ★★★★★

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    The animation, resplendent. The story, pulchritudinous. The soundtrack, transcendent. I had to find fancier words for beautiful to give this movie any justice. Everything from the voice acting to the animal designs to the music that intertwines perfectly with the imagery is immaculate. Can You Feel the Love Tonight had me floating.

    Can't help but find Mufasa's "circle of life" philosophy to be a bit biased towards the lions.

    96/100

  • The Master

    The Master

    ★★★★

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Sometimes these dissecty type movies are better when you don't overthink them. Enjoy the images, acting and dialogue and try not to get too confused as there's technically no correct interpretation. Two compelling, fascinating characters yet nothing that's all too deep for me in this one. It's about sex. Or more the animistic, corporeal feelings and behaviours of a human. Dodd is disgusted and ashamed by them yet is drawn to Freddie who more or less lives by them. There's…

  • The Goonies

    The Goonies

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Easily the worst audio quality and dialogue delivery I've ever had to sit through. Literally just kids screaming. Became annoying background noise after the 20 minute mark where I just gave up trying to listen. And this is meant to be a bloody classic.

    Short Round that little shit. Never again.

    15/100