• The Happy Hooker Goes Hollywood

    The Happy Hooker Goes Hollywood

    ★★½

    I usually remember where I saw shit on my list from a long time ago, but this one kind of escapes me. It might have been on Amazon Prime for a hot second. It’s the third in a trilogy I was unaware of with the title “happy hooker” played by a third actress. It’s basically a late 1970’s porn with all the salacious nudity, but minus any hardcore scenes. 

    I can’t help but think Adam West really enjoyed his role…

  • Prey

    Prey

    ★★★½

    I love the back to basics approach of Prey. A lot of the Predator sequels seemed driven by adding more visual flare while dialing up the mediocrity. By having Prey take place 300 years before the original it feels like a figurative reset to the whole franchise. 

    At first I was thinking there’s no way these natives have a chance against a psycho alien that barely had an issue dispatching victims centuries later. The thing is this predator wears a…

  • So Your Wife Wants to Work

    So Your Wife Wants to Work

    ★★★

    I don’t think there’s a lot written examining the Joe McDoakes short film series that spanned a nearly 15 year period in the 1940’s and 50’s. Surface wise they’re goofy, satirical comedies, but having watched several of them, I can’t help thinking there’s some underlying male insecurity involved considering the social mores of the time.

    The fact the series ended on this note where Joe is threatened by his wife wanting to work is telling. He tries to sabotage her…

  • McBain

    McBain

    ★★★

    Speechless. This is a top tier shitty action movie that somehow never fails to be comedically entertaining despite every measure to be incomprehensible and taken seriously.

    Every 15 minutes in it feels like the climax has been reached, but the movie goes on. At first it’s a Vietnam War story, then a Colombian revolutionary story, followed by “let’s get the band back together” to exact revenge story, then a vigilante busting drug dealers in New York sequence, that leads into…

  • Guns at Batasi

    Guns at Batasi

    ★★★★

    I’d say the historical relevancy of this film hasn’t changed much in the nearly sixty years since it was made. The effects of British Imperialism are still being felt to this day. This is like a global militaristic slice of life story. Some unnamed British colony in Africa with a puppet government is set to take over, except there’s a coup. The few British soldiers remaining are thrusted into a possible suicidal siege. Enter Richard Attenborough. 

    Attenborough is absolutely on…

  • Kill Me Later

    Kill Me Later

    ★★½

    Selma Blair is one of those actresses, who I know the name, but I couldn’t say what movies I’ve seen that I’d remember her being in. I think this might be one her few starring roles and I mostly like her in it. Her “resting bitch” face never gets old. Initially her suicidal tendencies make for an interesting choice for a kidnap victim. The problem is there are a lot narrative and stylistic choices had me scratching my head.

    The…

  • Miami Blues

    Miami Blues

    ★★★½

    This is one of those movies that if I came across it on television I’d just watch it even if I missed a half hour. It’s basically a screwball neo-noir comedy with a certain Jonathan Demme touch (he only produced) that is similar to Something Wild and Married to the Mob in tone. It might be my favorite Alec Baldwin movie because it seems like he had a blast playing what is essentially a sociopath with a heart of gold.

    Fred Ward…

  • Hatching

    Hatching

    ★★★½

    Before I hit the play button, all I knew is this movie involves a little girl and an egg that’s going to hatch something, probably weird. Oh yes, indeed. 

    Right from the opening it’s established a vlogging mother is trying way too hard to show how picture perfect her family is with cringey montage videos of everyone smiling and frolicking in the backyard. Then a raven flies into their house. I’m not familiar with all the mythology out there about…

  • Model by Day

    Model by Day

    ★★

    Famke Janssen is a model by day. What is she at night? A sexy, masked vigilante trained in taekwondo, of course! Her model friend and roommate’s nearly fatal run in with carjackers is the impetus for her to fight crime. 

    If satanic panic was a thing in the 1980’s, it seems carjacking stories fueled a shit ton of paranoia in the 1990’s. Every stop at a red light could be a gamble between life and death or just your car…

  • The Little Things

    The Little Things

    ★★

    This is a pretty forgettable movie. How forgettable? A year later, it completely slipped my mind that Denzel Washington starred in it. How is that possible? It’s a movie that had a lot of potential in pre-production, but the end result is a slag to sit through. Had this been made decades ago it might have resonated more with me, but a lot of similar movies have come and gone in that time so this just felt generic as hell.

  • Body Count

    Body Count

    ★★½

    Like any typical slasher film, it makes sense to have a group of people that don’t seem to really know each other go camping at a place that had unsolved murders that may be connected to some folklore tales. It’s also logical that if people go missing one by one they’re probably off having sex or goofing off. Even if something bad does happen, it’s attributed to an accident. No reason to let that halt all the fun.

    It’s always…

  • Bloody Marie

    Bloody Marie

    ★★★½

    At first Marie comes across as a fun, carefree woman that enjoys a drink while dancing in bars and getting into debates about the patriarchy with random strangers. Then it becomes apparent she really likes to drink and it’s become a problem where even the liquor store won’t sell her alcohol and she’s willing to trade her shoes in the middle of the night to a shady looking neighbor for his half drunk bottle of booze. 

    There’s not a lot…