• Final Exam

    Final Exam


    This may be the only '80s slasher I've ever seen where there is absolutely no motive or explanation for the killer at all. We don't know who he is, we don't know why he's doing what he's doing, we don't know where he came from, we don't know a fucking thing about him.

    It also doesn't help that apart from the pre-credit scene, there isn't a kill in this movie until around the 1 hour mark. They literally just needed to shoot two or three extra scenes to make this somewhat decent, but they couldn't be bothered.

  • He Knows You're Alone

    He Knows You're Alone


    Easily one of the most blatant rip-offs of Halloween ever, although not quite as bad as Sorority House Massacre. It's fine, if unremarkable for the '80s slasher trend.

  • Mardi Gras Massacre

    Mardi Gras Massacre


    This movie's got a little bit of Herschel Gordon-Lewis in the special effects, and a lot of low budget cheapness that's charming.

  • Ants



    This is more in line with the '70s disaster movie trend then the '70s creature feature revival trend, and in that sense, this might be the dumbest '70s disaster movie I've ever seen. No one seems to ever think about covering up all of their skin so that the ants can't bite them and the ants seem to kind of come and go whenever the movie requires it.

    What may be the weirdest thing about this is that the movie…

  • Hollywood Cop

    Hollywood Cop


    Probably the weakest viewing I've had of this movie, but I'm chalking that up almost entirely to the fact that I was pretty wiped out by the time I was watching it

  • Bad Black

    Bad Black


    Not quite on the level of Who Killed Captain Alex, the damn if it isn't still entertaining. I actually started wondering why it isn't a more common thing to just have someone dub a VJ track over a foreign language film instead of doing all of the dialogue.

    I swear I wasn't that drunk by the time I was watching this on New Year's Eve.

  • Home Alone 2: Lost in New York

    Home Alone 2: Lost in New York


    The MaCallister family are a miserable bunch of bastards.

  • Beauty and the Beast

    Beauty and the Beast


    I watched a YouTube video of some guy ranking all 60 plus Disney animated movies over the course of over two hours, and I was happy to see that this was ranked as number one (I share the same opinion). It gave me the urge to watch it again after all these years, and damn, this is one effective movie.

  • Weird: The Al Yankovic Story

    Weird: The Al Yankovic Story


    This is basically a PG rated version of Walk Hard The Dewey Cox Story, which is not a bad thing at all. What is a bad thing, is how much it made me realize how stagnant the comedy scene is nowadays. I mean, that movie's 15 years old, and nothing has progressed in the genre. Thomas Lennon was starring on Reno 911 back then, and here he is now as the door-to-door accordion salesman being beat up by Weird Al's…

  • Don't Open Till Christmas

    Don't Open Till Christmas


    On the plus side, I love how sleazy this movie is, it's got some good kill scenes, and all around it's pretty fun.

    On the minus side, there are moments in this movie where the editing is really choppy and it couldn't find a rhythm if it's life depended on it. On top of that, it gets really difficult following what the hell's going on at some points, and it gets pretty convoluted and nonsensical.

    Fuck it, good enough.

  • Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2

    Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2


    I don't think there's any other sequel out there that you can not only watch without having seen the first one, but also kind of eliminates the PURPOSE of even watching it.

  • Christy: Santa's First Female Reindeer

    Christy: Santa's First Female Reindeer


    I've seen thrillers that filled me with WAY less suspense than when I watched an old man in a shitty Santa suit wander around a nature preserve, trying to pet bobcats and pumas, waiting for him to say "uh-oh".