• Finding Jesus

    Finding Jesus

    Bottom 250: Finding Jesus (2020)

    Finding Jesus is an extremely bizarre and accidentally avant-garde piece of animation that follows the episodic adventures of Muggles and Joy two fish who learn lessons about life and Jesus. The dead-eyed animation of the fish coupled with their gigantic pupils lend a psychedelic and surreal quality to the film. The multiple awkward pauses of animation following lines lead to unintentional Tim-and-Eric-esque hilarity. Likewise, the voice acting is horrendous and strained to the point where…

  • The Trump Prophecy

    The Trump Prophecy

    Bottom 250: The Trump Prophecy

    Where 2025: The World Enslaved by a Virus was so technically incompetent and meandering it made for hilarious viewing, The Trump Prophecy is much more focused, boring, and ideologically revealing than 2025.

    The heavily belabored story is that a firefighter suffering from PTSD has visions of demons and receives a prophecy from God that then reality TV host Donald J. Trump would be elected President of the United States. They blow on some Jewish horns,…

  • 2025: The World Enslaved by a Virus

    2025: The World Enslaved by a Virus

    Bottom 250: 2025: The World Enslaved by a Virus

    It may just because I have been gone from the bottom 250 for awhile, but goddamn this was a blast. A full force shittacular of terrible cinematography, awful acting, and bizarre ego-driven paranoia. Watch these German weirdos struggle to speak English about how they're being oppressed by the communist government in their apartment with Christmas lights in-between a hip hop cover of Amazing Grace and spray painting fish symbols. The best…

  • The Hunger

    The Hunger

    ★★★★½

    All vampires are bisexual.

  • Pygmalion’s Ugly Season

    Pygmalion’s Ugly Season

    ★★★★

    Pretty cool but needs more hot guys!!!

  • A Nightmare on Elm Street Part 2: Freddy's Revenge

    A Nightmare on Elm Street Part 2: Freddy's Revenge

    ★★★

    Jack Sholder: what scares teenagers these days?
    Dave Chaskin: the gays!
    Jack Sholder: that's a good point, i can't stand those gays.
    Dave Chaskin: haha screw the gays!!
    Mark Patton: *sweats profusely*

  • Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness

    Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness

    ★★★★½

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    dreamwalking is not a joke dr strange millions of families suffer every year

  • Everything Everywhere All at Once

    Everything Everywhere All at Once

    ★★★★★

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    🪨 🪨

  • Sonic the Hedgehog 2

    Sonic the Hedgehog 2

    ★★★

    Olive garden fbi/10

  • The Amazing Spider-Man 2

    The Amazing Spider-Man 2

    This is like 5 different terrible plots thought up by clueless studio exec, blown to bits and haphazardly stitched back together into an artless, Frankenstein monstrosity.

    Oh boy I sure hope nothing bad happens to GWEN STACEY.

  • Spider-Man 3

    Spider-Man 3

    ★★★★

    😭 in my 2000s emo heart this will always be a 10/10

  • Titanic II

    Titanic II

    LB Bottom 250: #17/250 - Titanic II

    Across this dusty wasteland of cinematic waste an obelisk stands tall, dark and gleaming. It's name is Asylum Films.

    I have a complex relationship with Asylum; on one hand, I appreciate they are keeping the Roger Corman/Samuel Z. Arkoff legacy of supplying an entire generation with new riffing material for bad movie nights. On the other hand, I feel like, when compared to their contemporaries, (Full Moon Pictures and Troma Entertainment who also…