War for the Planet of the Apes

War for the Planet of the Apes ★★★

6 years ago when rise of the planet of the apes came out, i went with friends to go and see it for my birthday. it was two days after my actual birthday but it was a celebration for it and the movie had just come out. went with about 8 other people not including my mum (who was there supervising, we were young) one of them moved to australia the year after, i have only seen him once since when he came back for a week and had a family/friends gathering. we played rugby, a sport i don't like with a bunch of people i had never met and even then i was taller and stronger than all of them, and ended up breaking a kid's arm with a tackle which didn't go down too great with his parents. the rest of them were friends from primary, some of which went to a different high school and we never made contact again, even with facebook and shit, and the rest of us just drifted apart even though we were together, even though we could have stayed friends. never thought of them until today, don't remember any particular moments i had with most of them, bar a couple things. thinking about them now doesn't make me sad or even melancholic, feels like so long ago, like it was a different person experiencing these things and knowing these people. 
earlier today and before seeing this, my dad and i had just left the cinema after watching cars 3 and decided to take a walk down buchanan street (which is this really long fucking awesome street in the centre of glasgow for the uninitiated) cause we had time and needed to eat. wandered down the whole street and saw something i hadn't seen for years, the place where i used to go for drama classes when i was 8. i remembered the embarrassing moments, the stupid shit and me punching a kid in the face for calling me a faggot. i remembered the slices of pizza i got before the classes and the alleyway we walked down to leave after it had concluded. i remembered the train rides in and out of the city, these terrible math books my mum made me do while we waited for the train to arrive at our stop and her talking about how annoying my gran was. i walked into the building and saw the stairs i hadn't seen in years, those things i used to climb every thursday night. it's funny how your mind works, how seeing things, simple things can bring back rushes of memories from long ago and that i believed were forgotten. no melancholy, no sadness, just the feeling that this was someone else instead of me, that this was a lifetime ago when it hasn't even been ten years. back then my hair was pure fucking blonde, my voice hadn't broken and i was still shorter than my mum. i hadn't been diagnosed with asperger's yet nor had i dealt with my parents' separation. i was just a kid, someone i no longer recognise, someone who i've mostly forgotten just like those friends i saw rise with or the kids at drama class. memories aren't meant to last, they're designed that way for a reason so one day i'll forget about that fucking kid again, and i'll forget about breaking his nose in the middle of the hall again, and this time it won't come back. eventually i'll forget all the little things that contributed to my being, and eventually the big things will go too.
recently, i've been spending a lot of time with my dad and his girlfriend. i guess she's my stepmum even though they aren't married, they've been together for a good while now. when i spend time with them i think of the times years ago, when this same dynamic had my mum and dad together, when all three of us would go out and eat or see a movie together. when we would mock my dad or do stupid shit. i started thinking about the camping trips we used to take as a family, all the time i spent with them as a couple, the times before things changed. i'm older now and used to them being apart. i love my dad's girlfriend, she's brilliant and being with them both has been a blast. but this does make me feel melancholic, feel reflective upon a time that's never coming back. now it's weird to see my mum and dad in the same room together even though they do it regularly. i'm getting older and sadder and more mature but some days i wish i was a kid again, when everything was simpler and filled with hope, before things fell apart. 
war has a great first half and a middling second half, barely two hours after it's ended and i'm not even thinking about it properly, i don't care enough. there's nothing really that i want to say on the film itself. it's fine but watch logan instead, it does a lot of what this does but better. maybe you'll love it, i don't know, that's not up to me. maybe you'll hate it or maybe you'll like a lot of it and dislike a lot of it too. maybe you won't even think about it ever again, or maybe you'll remember years from now while doing other shit, maybe you'll reflect upon friends and family and experiences long past. or maybe you'll just shrug and say "it's alright". doesn't matter as long as you're here, living, reflecting and loving. that's what life is to me, the little moments that make up everything. so embrace them while you have them, embrace your life and your family and your movies while you can. reflect and feel your melancholy and your joy and your pain, and move on, and create new memories, new moments. nothing lasts forever but that doesn't matter when we have this moment, this time that's ours to use. that's life and it's fucking beautiful

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