First Cow

First Cow ★★★★★

This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

This review may contain spoilers.

started this last night, stopped when I heard the best news of my life about my girlfriend’s health. finished it today, it played very differently than it might have if I’d remained in the dark about her condition. instead of being distraught by the ending, by how much life can take away from people, how fallible it all is, I found great comfort and love in a friend laying down with his sicker buddy, holding and consoling him in the darkness even if it means he’ll be caught in it too. there is such love and tenderness throughout it, between Lee and Magaro primarily, but also just in little gestures. the little dynamics between Cookie and the cow when he goes to milk her, the face of Cookie when he sees that the cow recognises him in the daylight and wants a pat, the way that their biscuits remind Toby Jones of home in a way unlike anything else in this place. Magaro’s performance is particularly very tender, especially in the third act with his head injury, there is such profound sympathy in every movement of his and the way that Lee takes care of him moved me considerably. there is sadness all around us and life is very difficult but having someone you love makes it easier. the fear of losing them, the overwhelming euphoria of seeing their face after imagining the worst, and the profound catharsis that comes from knowing you’ll spend the rest of your lives together, whether that’s another hour or another century. it reminds me of the new Kid Cudi album, something that I’d been waiting for since I first discovered his music’s impact on my life, something that came into my life the same time that I heard the news and saved me in another way, one I didn’t believe possible. First Cow feels like that as well. for all this time, I saved it, preparing for the right time to sit down and linger in its wilderness. and then it came and everything just clicked into place. will be impossible to view this even remotely objectively but it’s something that will always hold a place in my heart, and will only grow once COVID’s over and I get to lie down with my girl and watch the stars shine. 

“I thought you were gone.”
“I thought You were gone.”

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