nothing more painful for me than alcohol. seeing it, smelling it, watching people I love drink it etc, I’m not over it. I’ve been a teetotaller my whole life because of the memories I have from my childhood, and even though I’ve come a long way, I still get those traumas whenever people get too drunk. this was hard in a lot of ways because it brought back childhood shit I didn’t wanna think about, brought back teenage shit that I tried to force myself away from, and even with a beautiful ending sequence, still shows men who don’t know how to function anymore without it, something that’s hard for me to confront. I don’t know how anyone can view this movie as enjoyable or as a celebration of alcohol in its final moments, but then again, I don’t know why anyone would drink in the first place knowing what it could do to you. maybe that’s just me being a bitch about it. will never be able to review this professionally because there’s way too much baggage attached to my relationship with the drink and my conflicting feelings on wanting to talk or think about it hurt, but it’s one of the best portraits of saying “fuck it, what else have I got to lose” I’ve seen in a long time. think it will resonate deeply with a lot of addicts or people that have been around addiction before. it’s a great film, one that made me cry and provoked me in a way that I don’t experience much as an adult, one with a transformative performance by Mads Mikkelsen, but I’d rather not watch it again. enthusiastic recommendation if you’re better with this shit than I am, because it does rule, but to me it’s the saddest fictional film of the year. wish I could be over my own shit.