Portrait of a Lady on Fire

Portrait of a Lady on Fire ★★★★★

this isn’t a review per se but more of a “journal moment”. it’s been on mind for awhile on how i was going to share this very intimate part of myself with others and i thought why not share that part with this movie of all movies lol but an important one at that. in order to be truthful to others i had to be truthful with myself and i’m here to say that i’m bisexual. it may not be a huge announcement to some or it may be yet i haven’t told to many people this information as i was scared of what judgement i’d face or if it would be too soon. i don’t want to think like that anymore, i’m ready to live my truth and let my friends know who have inspired me to come out. 

i’ve known i was bi for over decade but i wasn’t willing to accept it. by watching this film i have realized that my attraction for women has always been there and it’s something i want to embrace. i wanna live a life that isn’t damaging to who i’ll eventually become. i turned 28 a couple weeks ago and reality set in real quick for me. i thought about the times i could’ve taken a chance but i know i wasn’t ready for that next step. obviously 28 plays a big part in this movie as the page 28 and possibly or not possibly the age of the two leading characters (i think it’s been confirmed by céline that it’s the age of them i can’t remember lol). nonetheless 28 is a new chapter to my life that i think i will bring great opportunities to me. there might be some slight setbacks due to the pandemic we're all in but i’m still hopeful! 

a few months ago i was going to see this movie on the big screen with close friends of mine but the pandemic happened and i was honestly crushed. i was going to tell them i’m bi and i kept thinking over and over again of how i was going to tell them. well this is my chance now as i don’t know when we’ll get to safely see each other again but this is the best way for me to express my feelings about who i am. 

i also want to mention one of the actresses from the movie that has changed a lot of how i look at the world, adèle haenel. she is so open and free like who’s doing it like her! seriously tho she’s a beacon of light and just listening and reading about her work has changed my perspective to be a better woman and not let anyone take that away from me. i’m truly grateful she’s existing in a time where her voice brings many together. 

i wanna talk about the ending scene and how much it has affected me now. when i first saw the scene i was mesmerized by adèle’s acting that i didn’t fully take in the significance of the scene. i now have and it hits harder than before. héloïse is thinking of the time she spent with marianne and the vivaldi song brings the emotions tenfold. i interpret it as not regretting but remembering, remembering being in love, remembering being free!

lastly i know many of my friends are out to their friends yet not their families (i’m not out to my family yet but plan to soon) as that’s a whole other conversation in itself but being honest with yourself and friends are the steps to be being somewhat free. so here it is, me being free to you all that have inspired and encouraged me, thank you very much💕

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