ArchStanton93

Child of the Corn. Avid consumer of junk food cinema, and purveyor of rambling, stream of conscious “reviews.”

Music by Hans Zimmer.

Favorite films

  • Ocean's Eleven
  • Ocean's Twelve
  • Ocean's Thirteen
  • Kick-Ass

Recent activity

All
  • Scooby-Doo

    ★★★

  • The 'Burbs

    ★★★★★

  • Gangster Squad

  • Rango

    ★★★★★

Pinned reviews

More
  • John Wick

    John Wick

    ★★★★★

    Does for brutally beating a widower and killing his dog so you can steal his old school car that he refuses to sell you after a random gas station encounter what Jaws did for the beach.

    What can I say here? This thing changed the course of action movies; the spastic game of “how many cuts can we put in this fight scene”  that Hollywood hacks liked to play came to a crashing halt when Keanu smashed his concrete basement…

  • The Last Boy Scout

    The Last Boy Scout

    ★★★★★

    If you watch one movie where Bruce Willis dances a jig at a football game after throwing Taylor Negron into helicopter blades, make it this one.

    Bruce Willis in this movie is such a burnout, washed up loser that he makes McClane in Die Hard 3 seem like he has his shit together. This might just be my favorite Willis performance, and is a top 5 Tony Scott film for me!


    Speaking of Tony, there’s no question of whose movie…

Recent reviews

More
  • Scooby-Doo

    Scooby-Doo

    ★★★

    I should have doubled this with The Flintstones movie a few weeks back; both super colorful, zany, but totally reverent and loving tributes to their 60’s source material. Unfortunately for Scooby, pretty much everything in The Flintstones rocked(heh), and this one relies almost entirely on the dedication of the cast while botching most everything else that would make this Scooby Doo.

    I remember seeing this opening night in theaters(aged 9 HEYOOO!), and the projector malfunctioning, so I had to wait…

  • The 'Burbs

    The 'Burbs

    ★★★★★

    “In Southeast Asia we’d call this kind of thing bad karma.”

    Birthday tradition. What can I say about this one? It’s beyond reproach. Comedic perfection, and one of the coziest summer movies ever. Sure Dern turns in a face melter of a comedic performance(“Bout a 9 on the tension scale there Rube!”), but let us not forget as we scoop brownies up off the porch and wait for the pizza dude to get here that respect must be payed to…

Popular reviews

More
  • Gangster Squad

    Gangster Squad

    Mulholland Balls.

    Feckless slop. Cotton candy soft bullshit.  I know it’s stylized and not going for true to life  period piece or anything, but it all feels about as authentic as those old timey family photos you get at amusement parks where everyone grabs the most generic clothes imaginable out of a dusty bin.

    The action is bland and wholly uninteresting, everyone is horribly miscast; Sean Penn is something else here, but holy shit. I swear to God I couldn’t…

  • Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls

    Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls

    ★★★★★

    Hey, hi, how ya doin; you might remember(or never forgot because it’s the hot story of the decade) in my review for Pet Detective when I laid out my summer plans for domesticating the squirrel who hangs around my yard.

    It took time, but if there’s one thing I learned from Martin Lawrence in the seminal comedy “Big Momma’s House”(and I learned a lot) it’s that if you want to catch fireflies, you have to let them come to you.

    I’m…