M3GAN ★★★

so there's *definitely* a better version of this movie - scarier, crazier, wilder, assuredly R-rated - but sadly, that's never the version of whatever movie blumhouse makes. with rare exception, they almost always take a pretty great concept and then must have a meeting where they're like, "how do we water this down to get a pg-13 and stretch out the runtime past 90 minutes?" if there were only 2 changes i would make to this, it would be to tighten up almost every scene and to add 2-3 more deaths. i can't think of the last time i saw a major studio film, especially a horror one, where the editing was this LAX. if anything, they're often cut to shit just to get more showings in but this thing breathed like it had nowhere to be. almost every scene had multiple shots that lingered too long (especially establishing shots) and i found myself thinking "tighten it up" like 30 or 40 times watching this.

it was also completely unmotivated for her to kill the boss, aside from he's just a jerk/idiot? does megan not want any others like her out there? and for a quick second, i thought she was saying to the poor assistant (he was just being abused!) who stole the programming that he had somehow let it out of the vault and that's how she was able to reprogram herself so thoroughly (which is both kind of interesting, and would've kind of been a different kind of chucky ripoff) but nope, she was just suddenly expressing some kind of moral absolutism that he deserved to die because he did "wrong"? the dog and the kid both died because they were going to harm cady but not those two. i dunno, i guess i'm trying to make sense of something that mostly gave me a bunch of belly laughs and i did genuinely have a good time. but when you pause to think about it, the notes on this script are so fucking obvious, it just makes you wonder if they ever took a pass after it was turned in or just went straight into production.

anyway, look forward to M3G2N or however the hell they'll write it.

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