• The Little Things

    The Little Things

    ★½

    can someone send jared back to his island

  • Homecoming: A Film by Beyoncé

    Homecoming: A Film by Beyoncé

    ★★★★★

    when the upper class falls we loot only jay’s half of the estate

  • Bombshell

    Bombshell

    ½

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    who is this movie even for

  • Nocturnal Animals

    Nocturnal Animals

    ★★★

    so we’re really gonna let tom ford get away with putting amy adams in that ridiculous eyeshadow for what feels like this entire movie. a living legend in the beauty and fashion industry and he chose a smoky eye with a plum lip. an angled side part that we may as well just call a women’s combover. not the ann taylor businesswear too. the mixed metallic chunky bracelets with the dark purple nails and the 

    i could go on

  • The Night Clerk

    The Night Clerk

    ★★

    at least tye sheridan gets to reap the benefits of going on the curly girl method for this film. seriously to the legend that put him onto that i would like to say thank you and i WILL be thinking about it before i go to sleep tonight

  • I Care a Lot

    I Care a Lot

    ★★★½

    trent reznor and atticus ross have grounds to sue for copyright infringement

  • Freaky Friday

    Freaky Friday

    ★★★★★

    no offense to mark harmon but methinks this movie may be the reason i have had a running notes app list called Milfs I Wish To Save From Their Husbands for like several years

  • Fifty Shades Freed

    Fifty Shades Freed

    ★★★

    anastasia babe edward would never treat you like this. it wasn’t supposed to be this way

  • Fifty Shades Darker

    Fifty Shades Darker

    ★★★

    This is what elon and grimes think they look like

  • Fifty Shades of Grey

    Fifty Shades of Grey

    ★★★

    christian is the type of guy who’d buy you a really expensive dress for valentine’s day and you look at the tag and it’s a size 00 and he's standing there like well put it on and you’re like dude this isn’t gonna work for me and he goes well i just had to guess the size and you’re like okay well. it’s not gonna fit and then he gets mad at YOU

  • Freaky Friday

    Freaky Friday

    ★★★★★

    small snippet of lindsay lohan’s career i.e. five of her best performances (note how different each of them are and how every single one holds up):

    • herbie: fully loaded
    • mean girls
    • confessions of a teenage drama queen
    • the parent trap [DUAL ROLES!]
    • freaky friday [DUAL ROLES! AGAIN!]

    you’re gonna sit here and tell me she doesn’t have range? that she’s untalented? how many early 2000s icons would still be icons today if we didn’t monetize their downfalls. how many followup albums to Speak would we be streaming right now. im about to start yelling

  • Miss Americana

    Miss Americana

    ★★★★

    i wouldn't call myself a taylor swift fan but i do think at least 5 of her songs are actually perfect and i cried watching her documentary but that's normal everybody does that