The Beastmaster

The Beastmaster ★★★★

Marc Singer is a dopey fuck. I know. But it's filmed in such a way that puts me right at home. Young Coscarelli. A genuine artist. You can't fuck with him too much on this. Somehow every element soars like a hawk. The score makes my heart swell unlike 1000 other films.

"I have my eyes, I have my cunning, and now I have strength. Ruh, you're name is Ruh."

When we get to the monster tree scene, that haunts my nightmares, we are baptized in the green corrosion and screeching of the winged devourers. An ominous bunch to say the least. Creatures that say volumes about the intelligence of the script.

Lee Holdridge is a God amongst men. The score is a composition that soars high above most soundtracks.

The path of impaled, dessicated corpses leading to the Temple of AR speaks volumes of the horror implemented into what would be considered a tepid sword and sorcery flick.

Ma'ax (Rip Torn) and his butterface witch coven is a true site to behold. Rip's beaked nose and evil eyebrows accentuate his over the top performance. It's perfect.

If you watched this in your impressionable youth your heart was processed for a love of sword, sorcery and beast alike. Bless you, born into it.

The death guard killing machines are stoned immaculate. Extreme torture transforms a man. I can relate. Green liquid and leeches. Berzerkers in an inverted iron maiden. So fucking metal.

"No, he is a freak. A freak who speaks to animals... I need no coward by my side!!"

Dad's can be such fuckhead's. Poor Dar. The film was insanely relatable as a child and still is.

I've never wanted to battle an army more than the Jun Horde, with the Temple of Set at a close second. The badassery Singer employs during the final round redefines epic. The sound design is unbelievable. I want to jumpkick an asshole and toss him into fire.

When the winged devourer's return to save the night it explodes my heart into 1000 love bubbles. How can you not fall madly in love with this?

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