Pet Sematary II

Pet Sematary II ★★★

"Drew, buddy...."

Mary Lambert ends up, inadvertently, pulling a Tobe Hooper.
Lampooning her masterpiece to some degree. I didn't do any digging in the MicMac burial ground so I'm completely in the dark with what sent Lambert down this road.

It's bad,, but kind of perfect for me. The goddamned soundtrack kills people with motorcycle tires. It's got 'Fading Away' by Jan King on repeat. The most repeated needle drop in my movie memory.

Hot off the heels of T2, Edward Furlong is playing against type as effeminate Jeff. I can't judge too much as I was like this at 13 as well.

As far as 90's oddities go, this 'terrible sequel' is just about as entertaining as it gets. It's spooky season rock awesome and chock full of mean spirited fuckheads, cruel humor, music videoesque dream sequences and choices that really fry my bologna.

I can't say enough about the soundtrack. Dogs and cats living dead together. The Traci -fucking- Lords track 'Love Never Dies' gives me angel lust. Post mortem priapism.

Too many bits and bobs of shivery dialog to count. Mr. Brown as Sheriff Asshole gets the shitty stepdad of the year award. My empathy for Drew goes all the way up past the Pet Sematary.

'The ground is sour' patch kids here in the sequel. Jeff is the ultimate Mama's boy and as the film progresses a full blown mental defective. A complete and utter anomaly of moody sequel that begs a Fulci comparison. Nonsensical shock schlock nightmare.

It's SOV drunk and belongs to children of the 90's. Autumnal vibrating waves to ride my BMX bike on. It's impossible for me to decry. A time capsule up the flabby ass.

"Not that much appreciation."

Steve Johnson is kicking doors in and spraying you right in the mouth with his SFX work. It pulses and spurts just right the whole film.

Darlanne Fluegel (Renee), dials it up to eleven as the voice modded, melty matriarch. And she was in Once Upon A Time In America. Haha

A full on meat and cheese tray with olives. You can have fun with this throughout. The final act is so fucking odd I could talk about it all weekend. Undead Renee is playing this like dreams in the witchhouse. She's classic evil for no reason. Ol' Eddy looks like he's been shot with a tranq dart and attempting an impression of an evil 8 year old.

"Your father and I need to talk."

This particular scene shows Jeff move in a slow motion fashion. We can only assume Furlong was instructed to do this. Es muy malo. This "I love you", "I love you more" exchange is bananas. The slow down and blurry zoom on Ed is drugzzz. Awkward moments.

Then muck zombie Clyde shows up for a final showdown. If you're not questioning the editing here then bless your heart. Clyde delivers a line that really pushes me to taking a half star from this:

"Looks like daddy got a boo-boo!"

Sooo cringey. It makes me all squirmy. While the teens slap wrestle it out of their system, Evil Renee gets bored and lights the place on fire. Clyde's electro exploded head more than makes up for anything that came out of his stupid mouth.

The bizarre voice modification choice on Renee will forever perplex me. Her acting is also alarmingly repelling. Mary Lambert directed this scene so poorly it's very difficult to believe she was sober.

"Dead is better! Dead is better! Dead is better!"

In a final peculiar flex we are shown the dead characters in soft ovals with some choice dialog. It's a big-eyed head scratcher. I love this movie. From a technical and critical standpoint I know what it is. I know Zowie could have directed the ending better. But what a blast I have staring at the screen for the entire runtime.

"I'm just fucking with you."

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